Getting Past the Past

There’s a beautiful song I love called Past the Past by Jess Moskaluke. Please listen to it now… I think we can all relate in someway, can’t we? Today I’d like to focus on a few of the specific lines. As someone who can very much relate to this song, both personally and on behalf of clients, I want to examine why it’s hard to get Past the Past. And as a Life Coach, I can say that change is possible and you can do this!

Too Scared to be Happy Now

The fear of success keeps many people from starting their own business, going out on dates, making new friends or moving to a new city. What if we are shot down? Or worse, what if we are successful? If we start doing new things, that’s going to more learning, more new people, more money spent. Too often we cling to the familiar. It’s so much easier to live with what we know how to manage. We tell ourselves that it’s always been this way, how can things change?

People who are unhappy might not even know it!

Many of my crossdressing clients are afraid to wear makeup for the first time in case they don’t end up looking pretty. It’s easier to not know what they could look like, rather than destroy the fantasy with what could possibly be, a terrible reality check. But being scared to take that next step holds them back from being truly happy with themselves. It holds them back from being themselves in public, making new friends and experiencing ultimate success.

People I Depended on Didn’t Show Up

This line really hit me in the gut. When I was going through my divorce with an abusive husband, I lost a lot of friends. Mostly because they weren’t there for me during a very difficult time. I couldn’t get over the fact that my best friend wouldn’t even talk to me on the phone. She wouldn’t get together with me or check in to see how I was doing. She told me later that she didn’t know what to do. So she did nothing. My family was there, but they didn’t know how to support me and encourage me in a way to help me grow. Everyone was emotional and their feelings and hurts hindered my growth and ability to move on and away from the past.

My crossdressing clients also describe this hurt. Many crossdressers stay in the closet out of fear of hurting the people who love them. They feel that they can’t be happy when they are changing someone else’s life so drastically against their wishes.

You Give me Love I Didn’t Earn

I turned to Internet chat forums and social platforms to find new people to get me through my difficult times. Those people came through for me. They loved me where I was at and were there when I needed an impartial ear to listen. But I was always wary of why they were there. My own friends weren’t there, so what did these people expect of me in return? As it turns out, nothing! These people came to me with love. They had been there too and wanted nothing more than to give back in appreciation of others who had helped them through their own struggles. These strangers didn’t care about my past because it didn’t affect them or their relationship with me. Quite unlike the people who had known me for years, who were very emotionally invested in me.

Re-Write All My History

It is possible to re-write history. We can learn from our mistakes and tell others about them. We can change our thought patterns about certain topics or experiences. We can re-write someone else’s future while healing our own past. And once we have moved into true happiness, we can look back and be grateful for the difficulty. Because without it, we wouldn’t have met those new people, moved to a new city or started that business.

I Just Gotta Get Past the Past

Easier said than done, isn’t it? But trust me, it is possible. And once you do, a wonderful, amazing world of confidence and freedom is handed to you! Yes, it is handed to you. Once you get Past the Past.

You must be willing to get over the fear of being happy, put your faith and trust in strangers, seek change and re-write your thought patterns and old stories you tell yourself.

As a Life Coach, I can guide you through all of these challenges. We will develop customized action plans and take baby steps to take you from hurting paralysis to soaring happiness! I am the one to give you love you didn’t earn and love you for where you are, even if you aren’t loving yourself right now.

If you want to get Past the Past and get help from someone who truly understands you and what you are going through, book your first session today! It’s only $35! Learn more at lesada.ca/coaching

Feminizing Your Facebook

Social media is a fast paced world. People will decide in an instant what type of person you are by the profile you project. What does your Facebook profile say about you? Do you want to appear as a natural, feminine woman in real life? Do you want to make connections with real women? Then make sure your online image matches that persona. Read on to discover the do’s and don’ts of feminizing your Facebook so you can attract female friends.

Facebook Photos

Don’t Overdo the Accessories. Many crossdressers tend to go overboard with too much makeup, jewellery, fake nails, lashes and big hair. Choose one aspect of your look to play up, and tone down the rest.

Don’t Wear Stereotypical Crossdresser Fashion. Facebook is not the place to wear fishnet stockings, 5″ heels and lingerie. This fashion screams “I’m a crossdresser!” Women do not wear those things in everyday life and they do not post photos like that on Facebook. Save those photos for private groups where that is allowed. Instead, take photos wearing a nice skirt and blouse, jeans and a t-shirt, or just a head shot with a beautiful smile!

Do Vary Your Settings. Photos should be taken in a variety of settings to give the impression that you are a real woman, doing real, everyday things. Avoid taking photos in the bedroom or bathroom. Instead, take photos of you doing things like going out for dinner or hanging out with friends. If you’re not at that point in your feminization journey, take photos in the living room, on your balcony or porch, out in the garden, or even in your kitchen. No one wants to see your toilet!

take photos in a variety of settings

Don’t Show Photos of your Private Parts! I get so many friend requests from obvious crossdressers who are posed in the face down, bum up position. Another common crossdresser pose is just the legs in stockings and high heels, or a chest/boob shot. Women do not photograph themselves in this manner, nor are they interested in being friends with people who do. If you want to appear as a natural woman on Facebook, you should avoid these poses at all costs.

Avoid stereotypical crossdresser poses

Facebook Profile Attributes

Do Select a Common Name. Another dead giveaway that you are a crossdresser and not a natural woman could be your name. A name like Misty Waters or Suzi Stockings is certainly not a natural woman’s name. While it may be more boring, a natural name will increase your female persona by 100%! Don’t choose a drag queen name unless you are a drag queen!

Do Follow a Variety of Pages and Businesses. It’s public knowledge what pages, groups and interests you have on Facebook. If all you follow is crossdresser interests, you will give off the persona of a crossdresser. Add other interests into the mix. This will expand your profile to appear as a natural woman and increase your chances of connecting with real women. Some womanly things to join in on could be networking groups, mom to mom buy and sell groups, fashion groups, or any of your own interests like fishing, golf, cooking, and so on.

Be Part of the Facebook Community

Do Like and Comment Positively. If you’re trying to attract people to your profile, be positive! Social media is not the platform on which to complain or stir up the pot. Make others feel good about their posts and you will be well on your way to being a natural woman.

Do Contribute to the Groups you Belong to. Contributing in groups is a great way to make connections and new friends. I have met several of my close friends through social media and it’s because we both contributed to groups and found we shared common views and humour. When you put yourself out there, you are bound to make new friends.

Do add a Variety of Friends. Women have a large variety of types of friends on their Facebook friend list. Friends could include business contacts, family, personal friends, friends of friends, people we’ve only met through Facebook or people in the community who we look up to. Check out your friend list and if everyone else is a crossdresser, it’s time to make some more friends with more interests.

Do Positive, Inspiring and Fun! If you want to attract female friends and others on Facebook, you must be a person who emits positivity. If you’re having trouble doing this right now, find some cartoons, positive quotes or articles that you can share until your own positive vibes start flowing.

With these guidelines in place, you will be well on your way to projecting a natural womanly image into the world of social media. What tip did you like best? Comment below! And don’t forget to Like Lesada on Facebook for more great tips!

Join a variety of groups to create a positive Facebook Community

Fun Femme Outings! for Crossdressers

No one likes to be all dressed up with no where to go! When you’re dressed up, feeling gorgeous and on top of the world, it’s awesome to keep that feeling alive by enjoying an outing. Sometimes the thrill of dressing is enough to satisfy, but after awhile, you are going to want to share your beautiful self with the world. And if you’ve already enjoyed an outing or two,  I know you will want to do more and more with your femininity. So read on to get some new ideas for Fun Femme Outings!

A Hesitant Outing

If you’ve never dared to go out before, it’s time you did! Here are a few basics just to get your high-heeled foot out the door.

  • Go out on your back deck, balcony or stand inside the garage with the big door open. Breathe deeply for 5-10 minutes and smile at the world.
  • Take your car for a short drive, even if it’s at night, around town.
  • Take a walk to the mailbox, corner store or nearest intersection.

An Alone Outing

Once you’ve mastered leaving the house, you’ll want to spend some time testing your limits and building your confidence on a more thrilling outing. Here are some fun things you can do alone, without needing to involve anyone from the outside world.

  • Go to a park, sit on a bench and read a book or walk your dog.
  • Go to a large store or mall and wander around, you don’t need to buy anything. You don’t even need to go in, just stand in the parking lot!
  • Go to a drive-thru and place your order. Have cash and a smile ready for the cashier.
  • Go to the bank machine, dry cleaners, return your library books, or do any other regular errands that are simple and routine to you.

A Confidence Building Outing

The fun and thrills can really start to mount when you have the confidence to interact with other people! These people will probably be strangers, but make sure you look at them, speak up so they can hear you and smile, smile, smile! Remember you are not ashamed of who you are. What you are doing is not illegal and you have every right to live your life the way you want to. So, go, have fun and be proud of who you are!

  • Go to a cafe and sit in the front window.
  • Go shopping and try stuff on, make a purchase if your budget allows.
  • Visit an art gallery, museum, tourist attraction or point of interest.
  • Attend a seminar or talk geared for women.
  • Go to a nightclub.
  • Visit a salon for a mani/pedi.

A Making Friends Outing

Going out alone can be thrilling, but after awhile, it can seem routine. You’ll start wishing you had a friend to shop with, eat with, laugh with. Consider the friends you already have. Can you, or have you, revealed your true self to any of them? Would they be willing to go out with you? Try these tips to have a fun experience with others.

  • Book a Girl’s Day Out with Leanne from Lesada.
  • Find some new friends in your area from online sources or social media. Be sure they are local though, so you can actually go out with them.
  • Revisit all those places you went to alone and start talking to other people who are there and make friends with them.

The Ultimate Outing

Once you have confidence, a smile on your face, the taste of new thrilling experiences and friends at your side, the world is yours for the taking! You will no longer consider your outings as “Femme Outings,” but rather just outings and fun times. Your outings will be a way of life and you will wonder how it was ever scary or difficult to step out onto your front porch.

  • Attend a group event or support group fun night.
  • Travel to a convention, such as Fabulous at the Falls, Gal’s Spring Fling, WildSide Las Vegas, TG Detroit, etc.
  • Get your girlfriends together for a sleepover. Go to a hotel, cottage or resort.
  • Party it up at a club.
  • Host a direct sales shopping night party.
  • Throw a movie night with the girls.
  • Go bowling, play laser tag or mini golf with a bunch of friends.
  • Give each other makeovers and giggle about boys like a bunch of teenagers!

No matter what stage you are at in your Outing Confidence Level, just have fun! Life is way too short to worry about what others think. Make your own choices, stretch your own limits and Step Out in Confidence!

Leave a comment below describing your Fun Femme Outing experiences!

Managing Femme Outings for Crossdressers

Are you nervous about taking an en femme outing? Do you worry about all the planning that seems necessary in advance?

I had the pleasure of speaking with Harietta during her free 15 minute scheduled call. Harietta said to me, “Let’s face it, we all love enhancing our inner femme.  But I dread the notion of being “clocked” or “read” as a man while wearing a dress in public. I feel my life would collapse if I was recognized in public for the true man I am. So, as a crossdresser, I have learned to ‘manage’ my outings.” Even though Harietta wants to keep her femme identity secret, she doesn’t let it deter her from going out in public and having fun!

Harietta went on to explain everything she does to ease her nervousness and boost her confidence when going out en femme.

Managing Femme Outings

What exactly does it mean to “Manage” your outings?

Thinking of your outing as a well choreographed experience will relieve stress and therefore enhance your outing. Planning everything in advance will ensure you haven’t forgotten anything or get caught off guard by something as simple as needing to use the washroom.

Several Days in Advance of Your Outing

Harietta advises,

  • Plan your outing – “I always know where I’ll be driving, where I’ll be parking, where I’ll be going, where I’ll be eating and where I’ll be peeing. Yahoo or Google Maps are great for this. Scout the place out in drab before. While out, you will need to use the ladies washroom, so make sure you know where it is.” Or, choose a small cafe that has only one washroom.
  • Wear your shoes around the house. Sometimes shoes need time to mold to your feet and you might need time to re-familiarize yourself with walking in heels.
  • Take extra special care of your skin days before and exfoliate the night before your outing so that there is no redness blasting through your foundation.
  • Consider heading out of town – If you really need to keep your identity secret, consider travelling out of town for a day or even two for a worry-free  romp.
  • Tucking Tip!  “If you insist on tucking you must practice it well at home. And you should spend some real time tucked in guy/drab mode to test your system.  It may take time to get to the point where twenty minutes in the car is not torture. When you go out en femme and tucked, make sure you have some regular undies and some wipes. Also consider that if you tuck those boys up there it displaces your bladder. Tight gaffs and undies make it worse. So limit the liquids, especially coffee, before you tuck.”

The Day of the Outing

  • Look your best “No matter how much I’ve paid for it, or if I have done it myself, I will not go out with sub-par hair and makeup, even from a pro. I worry about getting noticed if it’s not right, and it distracts from my enjoyment of the episode. I always tell the receptionist about my gender fluidity in advance.”
  • Pack Extra- “Always have a full set of man clothes and makeup remover in the car with a big blanket or comforter to change under in case things go south and you have to bail or answer a family emergency.”
  • Make a checklist of every item you take with you on your outing. Harietta reported she’s gone nuts wondering where her lip plumper went when she hadn’t actually included it in her kit!
  • Check the weather and traffic reports to avoid tie-ups and delays, especially if you have decided to take a your excursion to another city.

And the Most Important Tips…

  • HAVE FUN! 
  • Take a ton of photos!
  • Talk to people!
  • Do something you’ve always wanted to do!
  • Be yourself!

Hopefully, armed and prepared for the best you will be able to maximize your femme time and really enjoy your outing, while boosting your confidence at the same time.

Do you have any great tips on how you manage your outings? Leave a comment below!

How To Look Younger in an Instant!

Here’s a Super Quick Tip to Look Younger in an Instant!

How can you reduce the appearance of fine lines and wrinkles in an instant? Try this simple tip for a smoother, younger looking face.

Before applying your foundation, apply a small amount of moisturizer to your face and neck. Wait a moment for it to work it’s magic, then apply foundation primer.

What is Foundation Primer?

Foundation Primer is like paint primer when you’re painting a wall – it fills in any fine lines and imperfections and creates a smooth surface for your foundation.

Foundation primer is clear, so it helps with clean up too. The clear primer will be in your pores and fine lines, not the colour of your makeup, so it makes cleaning your face, much easier.

Foundation primer acts as a base for your face! Face makeup that is, and helps your makeup last longer longer, look brighter, and because you’ve applied a good base primer, you don’t need to use as much makeup, which becomes more cost effective in the long run.

Sometimes the things you can’t see, are the most powerful things in your supply.

 

Can you see the difference? I used a dark foundation so it’ll show up better on camera, but you can tell my left hand has only foundation on it. My right hand I moisturized and applied primer. What a difference! You can’t see my wrinkles as much and the foundation went on much smoother and lighter. I only used about half the amount of foundation to get a better, smoother coverage.

Lesada sells foundation primer, as well as all the cosmetics and brushes you need to create a lovely, soft look. Contact me today so I can help you with your cosmetic needs! Or book a lesson, so you can try the products before you buy!

 

Confidence! Own It!

I was being interviewed for the book Finding Inclusivity by Paula Mould. As I was telling her my story, I kept saying “I’m shy.” When I was done my story, she said “I don’t think you’re shy. You should tell yourself a different story.” So after hanging up the phone, I turned to Google, curious, and asked “What is the opposite of shy?” You know what the reply was? “Confidence!”

So many times we tell ourselves a story as to what our identity is. Oftentimes this story can be damaging.

I’m fat.

I’m not smart enough.

I don’t have enough money.

I can’t.

What story do you tell yourself?

I was in an office the other day and saw this sign sitting on a woman’s desk.

I'm Pretty Sure I Have No Idea

I thought it was cute and funny but it didn’t give me much confidence in the woman’s professional ability. In fact, I wondered if I should be doing business with her at all! She obviously doesn’t have much confidence in herself.

Listen to the stories you tell yourself. What are you portraying to others? Are you exuding confidence or do you need to re-write your story?

Many people are ashamed of themselves. Many people who contact me don’t feel they are “Passable” or good enough to go out dressed in the real world. They end up staying at home, missing out on all the fun. But, after talking to me and deciding to spend a couple hours with me, learning how to apply cosmetics or how to shop for the right clothes or being fitted for a beautiful new wig, they suddenly start looking at themselves in a more positive light.

I assure you, if you have confidence, it really doesn’t matter how you look or what you wear. People will love you, include you, and want to be around you, as long as you have confidence in yourself.

A Fun Exercise in Confidence

Have you ever looked at yourself in the mirror and said “I love you”?

Try it.

Try it again.

And again and again until you believe it. At first you might think it’s stupid. then after awhile you might cry. Then, by the end, when you get it, you will be laughing!

Give it a try!

Adding Confidence to Your World

Really, the best way to improve your confidence is to hang around with other confident people.

  • Examine your friends, including Facebook friends. Are they positive people or do they suck you down?
  • Read inspirational books
  • Don’t indulge in gossip at work
  • Attend a class or seminar to boost your knowledge and self esteem as well as make new friends
  • Go to a convention to meet like-minded peers
  • Clear the clutter in your calendar or home that feeds into insecurities

Confidence Coaching

If you don’t know any positive people who can get you on track, or if you really need a boost and fast, consider Confidence Coaching. Leanne, Transformation Maven of Lesada is a skilled Confidence Coach. Her 12 week program is designed to boost your energy, heighten your self awareness and sky rocket your confidence in yourself! To find out if this program is for you, simply book your 60 Minute Life Clarity Call. You will walk away from the call with valuable insight as to what direction you should be headed and what your next steps should be to ensure you are Stepping Out In Confidence!

What could you achieve if only you owned a different story? Comment your dreams below!

 

 

 

 

Creative Ways to Save Money!

Creative Ways to Save Money

Creative Ways to Save Money!

“A penny saved is a penny earned” is an old phrase that encourages us to save money and become wealthy. But these days most people are spending more than they are earning, falling into debt, depression and anxiety. These feelings lead to more spending as they try to make themselves feel better. If you feel like you’re walking on a tight rope, balancing between just getting by and falling into a bottomless pit, read on for some great tips to improve your finances and your well-being.

Examine All Your Expenses

Write every single thing down that you spend money on in the course of a week or month. You will see patterns and some things may surprise you. Do you have expenses coming out of your account automatically that you no longer need? Do you spend more than you thought on eating fast food or coffee? Are you more generous than your budget allows when it comes to lending money to a friend or donating? Really examine those expenses and determine what can easily be cut or pared down. Sometimes even the chore of having to write down small expenses will be a deterrent to spending on little, draining things.

Bundle to Save

If you found that you were spending money on a lot of insurance, home services (such as internet, cable, phone), classes or magazines, bundle to save! Get a subscription to our favourite magazine instead of buying from a store, use the same provider for insurance and home services as they usually give a discount for multiple products. And get a membership to your gym, pool or dance studio instead of paying for individual classes. You can usually save a ton of money by being loyal to the services, products and companies you already enjoy.

Shop Around

If your attempts at bundling with current services didn’t work, shop around to get a better deal elsewhere. Shop around for groceries, clothes, shoes, home decor, car repairs and so on. Pretty much everything can be purchased second hand or at discount stores. Often the thrill of finding a deal can improve your state of mind as well as your bank balance.

Improve Your Health

Improving your health and mental wellbeing can greatly increase your cash flow. When you’re depressed you can’t work as well, you might even need to take time off work for your health which reduces your income and to save money. Poor health leads to taking costly medications for cholesterol, blood pressure and diabetes. Eating out at fast food restaurants instead of preparing meals at home is also a big knock to the bank account. Examine your health habits and find ways to cut costs as well as your waistline.

Seek Help from a Professional

Visit your bank or get advice from a financial advisor if you are serious about saving money. These are free services designed to help you get out of debt and into saving and living  worry free about money. They will help you stick to your budget, save and pay down debt all at the same time. Do not be embarrassed by your situation. 

Share Your Successes

It’s really motivating to share what’s going well! Comment below on how you saved money or increased your income.

 

 

Combat Dress-Down Let Down

How to Combat Dress-Down Let Down

 

Last month I wrote about the awesome experience of getting dressed up, going out and not getting “caught”. If you missed that story, you can read it here.

But, coming home and having to return to reality really sucks! Here are some tips from readers like you on how to combat Dress Down Let Down.

Honour Yourself

* Don’t just stuff your things into a bag or the back of the closet. Take 1/4 of the time you spend dressing, to pack everything away neatly again.

* Set a definite date for your next feminine experience while you are still dressed.

* Keep something in your wallet that symbolizes your feminine side, as a reminder for you to honour yourself.

Remind Yourself

* Leave one little thing on, such as a ring, toe nail polish, panties, etc that will keep the feeling alive for you.

* Take pictures while you are dressed so that you can look at them anytime.

* If you were out with a friend, ask them to call/text/email you a little emoji or photo so you can keep the memories alive. Or, you can schedule a text or email to yourself as well. (try the lipstick, high heel, shopping bags or dress emojis)

Love Yourself

* It’s not shameful to be yourself, so be grateful you had the opportunity to be yourself for awhile and don’t focus on the dressing down part.

* Proudly display or use things that are considered more feminine (women’s magazines, a change purse, flowery shampoo, pink razor, etc)

* Appreciate and honour the women in your life and be grateful they have shown you a love of femininity.

 

If you follow these simple tips, you will keep that special feeling alive and your true self will spill over into your everyday! Don’t Let Dress Down Let Down get you down anymore!

 

Turning Phases into Passions

“It’s Just A Phase”…

This line, often spoken condescendingly about children who are exploring a new pastime or interest, means they “will grow out of it” and move on to another interest in a couple days or weeks.

But really, phases are very natural and necessary to our growth. The moon has phases, seasons change and we evolve.

Even in adulthood we have phases.

Over the last few years I went through many fashion phases. There was the phase when I discovered Just Fab shoes and I got a new pair of shoes delivered every other month. Until I realized my closet was overflowing with ridiculously high heels that I couldn’t really have fun in! Then there was the scarf phase and the vintage hat phase…I just had to buy them all!

In doing those things, though, each phase brought me more self confidence. The shoes made me stand out in a crowd. People approached me to talk and I lost my shyness. The scarves and hats also caught the eye of others in a positive way and I received lots of compliments and envious stares. I was pulling off something they weren’t brave enough to attempt.

Passions are Phases Evolved

Sometimes our “Phases” never subside. They are an ingrained part of us and we can’t shake them no matter how hard we try. Those are the “Phases” we should never fight, because that is who we truly are. That is our passion!

When we have found our passion, we become masters of our interests.We stay in the “Phase”, but stretch our knowledge and experiences to continually refine that part of ourselves.

Are you Passionate about something? Maybe it started as a slight interest or even a vague curiosity and has never left your being. What is it you truly desire?

Are You Feeling Stuck in Your “Phase?”

People who are Passionate, will experience a feeling of being stuck. If you are a business owner, parent or are trying to evolve your life into who you truly want to be, you are bound to get stuck at times.

This is natural and it’s at this point where we need to find that new “Phase” to help us evolve, grow and revive the passion that we were feeling in the beginning.

If you know your passion is inside you, but aren’t sure what your next “phase” is, book your 60 Minute Life Clarity Call at Lesada.

During your Life Clarity Call, you will gain insight as to what your next step should be, develop an action plan to get you there, as it fits into your everyday life and also learn how to appreciate how far you have traveled on your journey already!

Your 60 Minute Life Clarity Call is only $73.50 CAN + tax. There is no need to feel stuck! Revive the passion that is inside youand set out on the next step towards living your true life!