Stepping Out Blog

Top 5 Secrets Women Carry

Women are curious creatures, aren’t we? There’s tiny things we do, that we don’t realize we are doing. Things that maybe someone who hasn’t always lived as a woman would ever know. But I’m about to let you in on some of those little secrets. These things might seem insignificant, but really are a large part of a woman’s life. Even if she doesn’t realize it.

We Keep Track of EVERYTHING

Women write things in their calendar that only they know what they mean. A woman’s day timer might resemble hieroglyphics to some people. A big letter P or a red circle around a date will symbolize the first day of her period. This is important because the doctor always wants to know – even if you’re seeing him for an ear infection! Hearts symbolize anything to do with a love, obviously – a sexy meet up, an anniversary or an upcoming date with someone special. Dollar signs can be used to denote paydays or bill payment dates. We will also draw squares or circles around important appointments so they don’t get lost in the clutter of other to-dos.

Not only do we keep track of our own things, but we have to keep track of our kids’, husband’s, parent’s and friends’ goings ons as well. Heaven forbid we let them fend for themselves! They might miss an appointment, class, sports practice or special event if we don’t remind them of it! Expect colour coding or some other sort of denotation in a woman’s calendar to keep everyone straight.

women use symbols on the calendar

We Keep Memorabilia for Years

Whether it’s kids school work, ticket stubs, reminders of past lovers, or mementos from vacations, we can call up a memory easily. Just because we have this stuff doesn’t mean we look at it, we just have it.  And we have it because we have always had it, and we always will. This might not be a secret, because men hold onto mementos too, but unlike men, we don’t display these items. Our items are secret, tucked away into a diary or a nightstand drawer. We take them out when we are feeling hurt, they comfort us. We use them to jog our memory when we forget things or want to reminisce on when times were better. Once in awhile we realize we aren’t the same person we were when we enjoyed the item, so we pass it on to another woman who needs it on her journey right now.

We Are Too Hard on Ourselves

Women secretly think they aren’t good enough. We stress about not being home with the kids because we want to be a good employee or business owner. We obsess that we are too fat, too tired or too stupid. That internal monologue is always present, no matter how many inspirational quotes we surround ourselves with. We worry that we aren’t good enough in bed or that our house isn’t clean enough for visitors. Women stress about keeping their schedules intact or that the dog might be sick. We secretly tell ourselves that nothing we do is ever perfect. When we examine every aspect of our lives – Family, Career, Home, Finances – everything on it’s own might be great, but altogether, something is off. And we can never figure out what it is, even though we analyze it to death. This is a secret all women carry and we can only hope that one day, a partner will come along and carry the worry and burden with us and make it a little less heavy.

We are Secret Hoarders

Our houses might look pristine to anyone who enters, but somewhere, we have an uncontrollable urge to hoard a particular item. Some women have a large stash of mini hotel shampoos (for when we travel, because they are so handy…oh wait…here’s a new bottle in this hotel room too!!!!) Some women have a secret stash of household supplies like toilet paper or paper towel. Other women might have a junk drawer, filled to the brim with God-knows-what, for when we need that thingamajiggy. Day to day, we are normal people, with normal houses, but there’s always a secret hoarding instinct niggling at us for at least one particular item.

We Hate Shaving

If there were no men in the world we would be absolute savages! We would burp and fart and walk around topless and never ever shave ever again!!!! Sure, some uppity women might take longer to ditch the grooming habits, but after a couple months, even the Queen would say screw it to shaving. We groom ourselves to impress the men and conform to society, not at all because we enjoy it. P.S. we also hate pantyhose. There I said it.

 

So there you have it, a secret look at the things women carry inside them, without even thinking about it. It’s our way of life. If you ask a women about something on this list, she might chuckle and give you a sly grin, or she might slap you! Either way, take it as truth and love her as she is, secrets and all.

 

 

Transforming at Lesada

Two weeks ago I got married! My Bridesmaids, Man of Honour and I got ready inside Lesada studio. It was really a magical experience! All the hype, the planning, the emotions, came together into one big experience that made me realize how my own Lesada clients must feel when they are with me! It was really eye opening and thrilling and I want to share what the experience truly feels like!

Planning Ahead

As we all know, there is an incredible amount of planning that goes into a wedding. But only the bride knows just how much planning is involved. There are so many details to be worked out!

As with a visit to Lesada, some clients may have a lot of planning to do. You may need to rearrange your work schedule, rent a room, even concoct a story. But the most important plan is packing everything! Just as with a bride, there is a major trousseau to assemble in advance. I had a checklist of everything – veil, shoes, pantyhose, lacy panties, something old, new, borrowed and blue, fancy handbag, lucky penny in my shoe, and of course THE GOWN! Lucky for me, I only had one dress option! Many of my clients bring multiple outfits and I help them choose what they are going to wear for their special day at Lesada.

The Night Before

I did not sleep well the night before. My emotions were heightened, I was worried I had forgotten some major detail. I was excited and charged up! Tomorrow was the big day! I tried to sleep, but ended up waking at 4:00am. I couldn’t get back to sleep, so I got up and crept around the house not wanting to wake the rest of my bridal party. I got a drink, went to the bathroom and stepped out, in the dark, onto my back deck to do yoga. I was ready to face the day. I sent an intention to go with the flow, have fun and enjoy every moment!

My Lesada clients feel this way too. They tell me they are so excited when they arrive in London the night before! All the planning and emotions come to a head and miraculously, the day of the big event, things just relax and we live in the moment together.

Arrival at Lesada

When I entered Lesada the day of my wedding, I felt a rush of beauty, hope and love for everything that I had accomplished to bring me to this special day. I was overcome with pride in myself. I had endured so many obstacles in life, increased my confidence and self worth and made a lot of decisions to get me to this wonderful day, my wedding day!

As the owner of Lesada, I feel this same rush for my clients as they enter the doors. So much has happened to my clients to get them to the point of being able to walk through my doors for the first time. I am so proud of all of my clients! Many people are in awe of my small studio, but I know they are also in awe of themselves! They are standing there, amazed that today is finally the day!

Getting Settled

I already had my trousseau set up in a photogenic display and my table was cleared off to await Ashley, the hairdresser and makeup artist. But, should you visit Lesada, getting settled may include getting dressed. If you arrived in drab, you would first change into your feminine clothes and shoes. But, if you brought a large gown, such as my wedding dress, you could stay in a robe, as I did. It’s just too hard to walk around in a huge gown! I began my day with Ashley by choosing a Spirit Girl Seed Card. These cards are uplifting messages from your spirit and really set the intention for the day.  I always start my clients off with a card as it centres our thoughts and gives us a breath before the transformation begins.

My trousseau, all assembled

The Transformation

Ashley, my long time friend and hairdresser, did my hair and makeup. She pinned my hair up, which I have been growing out for a year for the occasion. It was all curled and pinned and swooped and I looked at myself in a whole new way! I haven’t had my hair this long in many years and I felt so pretty and special, very different from a usual day. I felt all grown up and couldn’t wait to show everyone how much hair I had!

curled, pinned and swooped

Then she did my makeup. I was at her mercy and just as most of my clients do with me, I said “Just do what you want.” Her methods were different from mine, but I stayed quiet and relaxed into the featheriness of her brushes. I tried to peek at what she was doing but then I thought, “No, I’m just going to look when she’s done!”

It was such a surreal experience and I loved being on the receiving end of what my clients feel when they are visiting Lesada. I wanted to experience everything! Ashley asked me if I wanted false lashes. I had talked to Jerry, my future husband about it. He wasn’t too keen. I told Ashley this.  She’s so awesome, she asked me “What do YOU want?” and in that moment, I wanted it all! I said “I want false lashes today.” Because really, if not today, then when? So she said, “Then you’ll have false lashes today!”

applying false lashes

It was then time to dress. The photographer had arrived! He took some pictures of me in my robe, touching my gown and looking in the mirror. Then he left so I could get dressed. It was a stressful time because my girls were in the house getting dressed along with trying to dress the flower girl and ring bearer. It was Ashley who actually ended up doing up my dress and tying on my beaded belt. She also fixed my veil in place.

I often help clients get dressed by doing up zippers, cinching corsets, fiddling with tiny shoe buckles and so on. Having an assistant to help you dress feels so special and royal, doesn’t it?

The Big Reveal

Prior to the big day, I had tried on my shoes and walked around the house to break them in. I had tried on the dress numerous times to get the fit just right. I had sat in Ashley’s chair for a trial run on my hair. But the wedding day was the first time all the elements were put together. I had never had the entire look on at the same time before. The photographer moved the mirror in front of me and I gasped! Again, just as my own clients respond, I was beaming! Wow! Was that me?! I couldn’t believe it!

I am always gleeful when my clients say “I had no idea I could look this good!” They stare at themselves, some get teary eyed, and many want lots of photos!

This was the case with me! I did all those things, then the photographer came in and we got down to business with the photos. So many photos!

The big reveal!

A Dream Day

All the planning, stressing, high emotions, everything paid off! The day was better than I could have hoped. I had so much fun, being the centre of attention, a bride! Everyone was smiling at me, knowing I was celebrating a wonderful day.

It’s like this when I go out with clients too. It’s a celebration of becoming your true self! People smile at you, are very helpful and proud of you. Some of you may be surprised, but when I am out with clients for lunch or shopping, that is the reaction we get. The world is changing and people are welcoming and loving.

Thank you for reading my experience on the receiving end of transformations at Lesada. It has really given me an insight as to how my clients feel and what they experience.

I invite you to share in the Lesada experience! I would love to welcome you here and assist you with your own personal transformation. You are definitely worth it. And now that you know how wonderful it cam be, you simply must experience it yourself!

Thrift Shopping 101

If you’re tight on a budget or just want piles of new clothes regularly, thrift shopping is a great way to achieve a new look. But sometimes that huge store, with limited sales staff can be overwhelming! Read on to learn thrift shopping basics so you can maximize your time spent there and make the most of your budget. Have fun completing the Thrift Store Scavenger Hunt at the end!

Make a List

Before going to the store, figure out what it is exactly that you’re looking for. Maybe you need a blouse to go with that great skirt you already own, or maybe you need a new spring jacket to feminize your look year round. If you already own a closet full of shoes, don’t put shoes on your list, just focus on the aspects of your wardrobe that you need to fill.

Go Prepared

When I go thrift shopping, I always wear a tank top and nylons underneath, even if I’m wearing jeans over top. This makes trying things on much easier and gives me a good idea of what dresses/skirts or sweaters are going  to look like. If you are shopping for dresses, you may want to wear a sandal or smaller shoe, even if shopping in male form. It doesn’t look nice to wear big ugly man boots or work socks while trying on a pencil skirt! Think ahead and dress in something that will go with what you are shopping for.

Grab a Cart!

It’s inevitable that you will find more than what’s on your list and you’ll want a cart to carry it all around. If you’re still in the closet about purchasing feminine clothes, a cart is also a great way to hide things instead of carrying them around in your arms.

Use a cart to carry items or hide items

Store Layout

A store such as Talize (my personal favourite), Goodwill, Value Village, etc are all laid out by categories. There’s men’s wear, children’s wear, women’s wear, household goods, shoes, accessories, and sometimes furniture. The women’s clothing category is divided into subcategories such as outer wear (coats & jackets), dresses, skirts, casual pants, dressy pants, active/workout, sweaters, long sleeve blouses, short sleeve blouses, short sleeve tops (t-shirts), and so on. It sounds overwhelming, but if you have a list and you want to find a knee-length black skirt, just head over to the skirt aisle and you don’t even have to look at the other stuff!

Aisle Layout

Once you reach the aisle you are looking for, you will find that the racks are arranged by size. Small, Medium, Large for tops, and 2-20+ for pants, dresses and skirts. This can become a little tricky if you don’t know your size. My suggestion is that sizes 0-6 are typically for teenagers and very small people. Sizes 8-14 are for average size women and 16+ are for larger women. However, when I am thrift shopping, I tend to look through everything because sometimes things are put away incorrectly and you just might find a gem in the wrong size, or you might find something that is a bit too big that you could have altered to suit you. Another thing I’ve found is that teen sizes are mixed in with women’s racks. So something that says Large, might be a large teen and is actually itsy bitsy on a large size woman. After sorting by size, the racks are then sorted by colour! Narrowing your search for you even more. So again, if you are looking for a knee-length black skirt, go to skirts, find your size and search the black colour section. Super simple!

The fun part!

Now that you’ve narrowed your search down drastically to what you want to hone in on, you can start browsing! You will find some fun pieces, some you know won’t suit you or maybe others you can alter to fit or dress up with embellishments or accessories if you’re crafty. Personally, I love shopping for vintage or designer, unique pieces. You never know what you’ll find! The time seems to fly by and you get caught up in your own little world while looking at the racks. And guess what?! Everyone else is in their own little world too. So don’t worry about being spotted in the women’s aisles because no one is paying attention to anyone else. The racks in the dress and skirt aisles are quite tall, so you will be hidden from most of the store when you are among them anyway. Fill up your cart and let your imagination go!

The Fitting Rooms

Yes, try your finds on!!! I urge you to do this to avoid disappointment and wasted money. The great thing about thrift store fitting rooms are that they are unisex. Often they have mirrors on the inside of the fitting room as well as the outside. So you can change and view your new looks in private. Often,  you are limited to take only 9 items in with you at a time. So if you have more you want to try on, just leave them in your cart outside the door. You can switch them out after you’ve tried on the first batch. If you end up not wanting what you tried on, leave it with the fitting room clerk.

What to Avoid

Do not thrift shop for lingerie or panties. That’s just ick. You know why.

If it needs to be repaired and you don’t have the skills or bravery to ask someone to repair it, don’t buy it. It will end up sitting in your closet making you angry.

Don’t buy it just because it’s cheap. If you think you’ll “make it work” or you think “I’ll lose some weight” or you’re just not sure about something, leave it at the store.

Don’t buy outdated fashion. Unless you are going for the entire, vintage look, and know how to rock it, don’t buy obvious 80’s/90’s garb. This is a pitfall of many crossdressers. You know what woman are wearing today and what looks good, so stick with current fashions. Or better yet, stick with timeless pieces like a black dress or jeans and a nice top.

Avoid distractions and nostalgia. If you are making an effort to improve your feminine wardrobe, focus on that. Don’t wander into the books or men’s wear. Don’t buy something because you used to have it or your mom used to have it. You will only go home disappointed that you failed. Focus on your list, have fun and soon you’ll look forward to going back!

Avoid outdated fashion or nostalgia.

Scavenger Hunt List

If you are having trouble working up the bravery to go thrift shopping for feminine clothes, try this scavenger hunt list! You don’t need to buy anything, just go look around and familiarize yourself with the store. Score 5 points for each find.

  • A red satin dress
  • A black and white checkered skirt
  • Yoga pants with a blue stripe down the leg
  • A white t-shirt with a picture of a panda bear on the front
  • A floppy hat (15 bonus points if you try it on)
  • A pair of pink high heels, size 7
  • A fur coat (20 bonus points if you try it on in front of a mirror)
  • A green silk fashion scarf
  • An orange purse with more than 4 pockets in it.
  • 5 bracelets or pairs of earrings with stones on them
  • Chat with a female shopper about her purchases and what she is looking for (50 bonus points if you smile and make her smile back)
  • A chain-link belt

Thrift Shop like a pro and have fun doing it with these basic tips!

If you want a shopping friend, consider shopping with me, Leanne from Lesada! I know some great places in London, Ontario and can help you find a look that works for you. Visit https://lesada.ca/shopping-excursion/  to learn more!

 

 

Getting Past the Past

There’s a beautiful song I love called Past the Past by Jess Moskaluke. Please listen to it now… I think we can all relate in someway, can’t we? Today I’d like to focus on a few of the specific lines. As someone who can very much relate to this song, both personally and on behalf of clients, I want to examine why it’s hard to get Past the Past. And as a Life Coach, I can say that change is possible and you can do this!

Too Scared to be Happy Now

The fear of success keeps many people from starting their own business, going out on dates, making new friends or moving to a new city. What if we are shot down? Or worse, what if we are successful? If we start doing new things, that’s going to more learning, more new people, more money spent. Too often we cling to the familiar. It’s so much easier to live with what we know how to manage. We tell ourselves that it’s always been this way, how can things change?

People who are unhappy might not even know it!

Many of my crossdressing clients are afraid to wear makeup for the first time in case they don’t end up looking pretty. It’s easier to not know what they could look like, rather than destroy the fantasy with what could possibly be, a terrible reality check. But being scared to take that next step holds them back from being truly happy with themselves. It holds them back from being themselves in public, making new friends and experiencing ultimate success.

People I Depended on Didn’t Show Up

This line really hit me in the gut. When I was going through my divorce with an abusive husband, I lost a lot of friends. Mostly because they weren’t there for me during a very difficult time. I couldn’t get over the fact that my best friend wouldn’t even talk to me on the phone. She wouldn’t get together with me or check in to see how I was doing. She told me later that she didn’t know what to do. So she did nothing. My family was there, but they didn’t know how to support me and encourage me in a way to help me grow. Everyone was emotional and their feelings and hurts hindered my growth and ability to move on and away from the past.

My crossdressing clients also describe this hurt. Many crossdressers stay in the closet out of fear of hurting the people who love them. They feel that they can’t be happy when they are changing someone else’s life so drastically against their wishes.

You Give me Love I Didn’t Earn

I turned to Internet chat forums and social platforms to find new people to get me through my difficult times. Those people came through for me. They loved me where I was at and were there when I needed an impartial ear to listen. But I was always wary of why they were there. My own friends weren’t there, so what did these people expect of me in return? As it turns out, nothing! These people came to me with love. They had been there too and wanted nothing more than to give back in appreciation of others who had helped them through their own struggles. These strangers didn’t care about my past because it didn’t affect them or their relationship with me. Quite unlike the people who had known me for years, who were very emotionally invested in me.

Re-Write All My History

It is possible to re-write history. We can learn from our mistakes and tell others about them. We can change our thought patterns about certain topics or experiences. We can re-write someone else’s future while healing our own past. And once we have moved into true happiness, we can look back and be grateful for the difficulty. Because without it, we wouldn’t have met those new people, moved to a new city or started that business.

I Just Gotta Get Past the Past

Easier said than done, isn’t it? But trust me, it is possible. And once you do, a wonderful, amazing world of confidence and freedom is handed to you! Yes, it is handed to you. Once you get Past the Past.

You must be willing to get over the fear of being happy, put your faith and trust in strangers, seek change and re-write your thought patterns and old stories you tell yourself.

As a Life Coach, I can guide you through all of these challenges. We will develop customized action plans and take baby steps to take you from hurting paralysis to soaring happiness! I am the one to give you love you didn’t earn and love you for where you are, even if you aren’t loving yourself right now.

If you want to get Past the Past and get help from someone who truly understands you and what you are going through, book your first session today! It’s only $35! Learn more at lesada.ca/coaching

Differing Journeys

Have you ever heard the saying “There’s more than one way to skin a cat?” It means that there’s more than one path to reach a destination.

When I was in my late teens, I wanted to go to school, get married, have a family. When I went off to college, I already had a boyfriend. He proposed to me in November of my first year. He was the only boyfriend I ever had. My parents hadn’t talked to me about dating or what it was like to live on my own or with a room mate. I just assumed that you were supposed to marry the person you were with. So I agreed to the proposal. I wanted a house and a family and thought that that was how it worked.

Looking back…

twenty years and a divorce later, I realize my thoughts were wrong. There is more than one way to skin a cat. I was working full time, I could have easily afforded the tiny apartment we had on my own. As for children, we all know a person can do that on their own too, although a family unit with a mom, dad and kid is what I wanted. But even so, I didn’t have a baby until six years after I got married. That was plenty of time for me to have built a little nest on my own before finding the right person for me. Sigh. If only I had known then what I know now…

I have a lot of young people come in to Lesada looking for direction. They are considering transitioning from male to female. Often they are confused about sexuality, emotions, dating and their place in society. Just because a man likes wearing silky nighties or painting his toenails doesn’t mean he has to suddenly become a woman.

Looking ahead…

My advice to those seeking answers is to explore. Experiment with different people. Find out what you like and what you don’t like. Build on what you learn and what you enjoy. In this day and age, you can do anything you want, as long as you aren’t hurting anyone else. Maybe you are a man who likes to wear eyeliner, or, maybe you really are a girl, or maybe a bit of both!

Your twenties, thirties, forties, fifties and beyond are all ages to explore new interests. If you think you might like something, try it. Even if it’s not what others are doing. Explorations lead to discoveries and it’s so exciting when you discover yourself!

Looking up…

Exploration, breaking new ground and cutting new paths on your journey can be scary and hard. If you need help and a guide along the way, consider Life Coaching. I, Leanne, am a certified Transformational Life Coach and would be happy to work with you as you explore your life’s path. It’s easy to get started, just visit www.lesada.ca/coaching to book your first call.

 

 

Top 5 Reader Recommendations!

 

As you know, I love hearing everyone’s stories. By talking to people, I have made some amazing discoveries that have made my life easier! By talking to others, sharing experiences, successes and disappointments, we learn what works and what doesn’t for people. Read on to learn the Top 5 Recommendations from my clients. Then share your recommendations of products, hacks and tips in the comments below!

#5 Quick Fix

If you use silicone breast forms, one day you may need a quick repair job. Tamara recommends using silicone adhesive to repair minor punctures for a short term fix. This won’t repair them indefinitely, but will certainly tide you over until a replacement can be shipped. Check out this tutorial for help.

#4 Only One Glue Will Do

Speaking of adhesives, have you ever attempted to glue your eyebrows? Elle has discovered that Elmer’s stick glue is the best brand for this. Elle also advises to apply rubbing alcohol on a cotton pad and thoroughly clean your eyebrows before doing anything else. The alcohol will dissolve any oils and provide a clean base to help the glue adhere even better.

#3 Easy Hair Removal

Pauline advises that we use an epilator to quickly and effectively remove unwanted hair from the neck down. Acting like a dozen tweezers, an epilator pulls hair from legs, arms and body. You may need to shave a tiny bit, but it keeps stubble to a minimum. Over time, regrowth is inhibited as well. Pauline has tried a few different brands and recommends Philips Satinelle model, available on Amazon and Walmart for about $45.00.

Pauline recommends Philips Satinelle Epilator for body hair removal

#2 Professional Photos Always

Bathroom selfies be gone! with a cell phone tripod recommended by Frannie. Available on Amazon for only about $20-$35 you can take beautiful poses and videos with the click of a remote button. This tripod wraps on to things or stands on it’s own so you don’t have to pose in front of a mirror or take extremely close up selfies. Frannie has taken her mini cell tripod to the park and around town for a professional photo session created by herself. Check it out, you’ll be glad you did!

Get professional shots with a cell phone tripod recommended by Frannie

#1 Shop En Femme

Heather had the brilliant idea to keep her feminine expenses separate by obtaining a VISA card in her feminine name. When you own a VISA credit product in your legal name, you can get additional cards for family members by only providing their name. Using her masculine name as the primary account holder, she was able to obtain an additional card for Heather. Now she is free to shop completely en femme as well as keep her feminine purchases separate from her other expenses. Please note, that all purchases for both credit cards appear on the same bill, so if you are sharing the account with a spouse, keep this in mind.

What tip made you say A-HA!? What tips or recommendations can you share with others? Comment below!

Feminizing Your Facebook

Social media is a fast paced world. People will decide in an instant what type of person you are by the profile you project. What does your Facebook profile say about you? Do you want to appear as a natural, feminine woman in real life? Do you want to make connections with real women? Then make sure your online image matches that persona. Read on to discover the do’s and don’ts of feminizing your Facebook so you can attract female friends.

Facebook Photos

Don’t Overdo the Accessories. Many crossdressers tend to go overboard with too much makeup, jewellery, fake nails, lashes and big hair. Choose one aspect of your look to play up, and tone down the rest.

Don’t Wear Stereotypical Crossdresser Fashion. Facebook is not the place to wear fishnet stockings, 5″ heels and lingerie. This fashion screams “I’m a crossdresser!” Women do not wear those things in everyday life and they do not post photos like that on Facebook. Save those photos for private groups where that is allowed. Instead, take photos wearing a nice skirt and blouse, jeans and a t-shirt, or just a head shot with a beautiful smile!

Do Vary Your Settings. Photos should be taken in a variety of settings to give the impression that you are a real woman, doing real, everyday things. Avoid taking photos in the bedroom or bathroom. Instead, take photos of you doing things like going out for dinner or hanging out with friends. If you’re not at that point in your feminization journey, take photos in the living room, on your balcony or porch, out in the garden, or even in your kitchen. No one wants to see your toilet!

take photos in a variety of settings

Don’t Show Photos of your Private Parts! I get so many friend requests from obvious crossdressers who are posed in the face down, bum up position. Another common crossdresser pose is just the legs in stockings and high heels, or a chest/boob shot. Women do not photograph themselves in this manner, nor are they interested in being friends with people who do. If you want to appear as a natural woman on Facebook, you should avoid these poses at all costs.

Avoid stereotypical crossdresser poses

Facebook Profile Attributes

Do Select a Common Name. Another dead giveaway that you are a crossdresser and not a natural woman could be your name. A name like Misty Waters or Suzi Stockings is certainly not a natural woman’s name. While it may be more boring, a natural name will increase your female persona by 100%! Don’t choose a drag queen name unless you are a drag queen!

Do Follow a Variety of Pages and Businesses. It’s public knowledge what pages, groups and interests you have on Facebook. If all you follow is crossdresser interests, you will give off the persona of a crossdresser. Add other interests into the mix. This will expand your profile to appear as a natural woman and increase your chances of connecting with real women. Some womanly things to join in on could be networking groups, mom to mom buy and sell groups, fashion groups, or any of your own interests like fishing, golf, cooking, and so on.

Be Part of the Facebook Community

Do Like and Comment Positively. If you’re trying to attract people to your profile, be positive! Social media is not the platform on which to complain or stir up the pot. Make others feel good about their posts and you will be well on your way to being a natural woman.

Do Contribute to the Groups you Belong to. Contributing in groups is a great way to make connections and new friends. I have met several of my close friends through social media and it’s because we both contributed to groups and found we shared common views and humour. When you put yourself out there, you are bound to make new friends.

Do add a Variety of Friends. Women have a large variety of types of friends on their Facebook friend list. Friends could include business contacts, family, personal friends, friends of friends, people we’ve only met through Facebook or people in the community who we look up to. Check out your friend list and if everyone else is a crossdresser, it’s time to make some more friends with more interests.

Do Positive, Inspiring and Fun! If you want to attract female friends and others on Facebook, you must be a person who emits positivity. If you’re having trouble doing this right now, find some cartoons, positive quotes or articles that you can share until your own positive vibes start flowing.

With these guidelines in place, you will be well on your way to projecting a natural womanly image into the world of social media. What tip did you like best? Comment below! And don’t forget to Like Lesada on Facebook for more great tips!

Join a variety of groups to create a positive Facebook Community

Urge to Purge

Lindsay recounted wistfully the details of a beautiful white pantsuit she used to own. It fit her perfectly and made her feel like a million bucks. But it was lost to a purge.

Ashley had an insanely gorgeous champagne coloured ball gown that had pearls around the bodice. It too, went out to the second hand shop in a wild purge that she regrets to this day.

What possessed these girls to discard their beautiful belongings, then regret it so much?

A Personal Story of Purging

Rachel, a 37 year-old closet crossdresser spent hours online shopping for specialty themed outfits. She wanted the hot mom look – tight leggings, an off-the-shoulder cropped sweat top, bangle bracelets and pink eye shadow. Then there was the ballgown phase – huge hair, tiaras, sparkling chandelier earrings and a sparkly fitted gown with miles of tulle and rhinestones. Oh, and we can’t forget the sexy, businesswoman wardrobe! It wouldn’t be complete without a tight pencil skirt, button down white shirt blouse and a pair of sexy glasses. So much stuff!!!

It was so fun checking the mailbox and having a parcel arrive almost daily!

Exciting Packages!!!

 

Until the credit card bill arrived one day in the mailbox amongst the packages.

Rachel was horrified to see how much she had spent on herself and the ‘silly’ purchases she had made. Most of the things she bought were cheaply made and didn’t even fit right. They had brought a thrill to her when she was opening up the packages, but also stressed her out that someone would find her beautiful things.

She decided “once and for all” that she was never going to shop online again. She decided she was stupid for buying all these girly things and she should just forget it all. Rachel believed she would never be passable. And she definitely would never get a girlfriend if they knew this side of her, she thought.

And in one big fit of self doubt and personal anger, she gathered every last shred of girlyness into a giant garbage bag and drove to the clothing donation bin.

The lid slammed with an echo of finality.

The Reasoning Behind The Purge

Many closet crossdressers, like Rachel, Lindsay and Ashley, are ashamed of their feminine side. They are constantly battling against how they feel inside and how they want people to perceive them as men. They feel that if anyone were to find out they enjoy wearing ballgowns or tiaras or short skirts, their world as they know it would be lost. In their male world they hold down very masculine jobs, such as construction workers and truck drivers, or high powered, high stress careers like lawyers or emergency responders. A lot of crossdressers are also business owners, husbands and fathers. They are ashamed to reveal their feminine longings to others.

Many crossdressers are ashamed of their feminine longings.

It is for this reason, that a purge of all feminine belongings occurs. And sometimes quite often.

The fear of getting caught with a closet full of women’s clothes, wigs, high heels, and other lady-like accessories instigates a mass purge, followed by massive regret.

How to Resist the Urge to Purge

If you are like one of the girls in this article, you are probably wondering how to feel good about your purchases, love your girly belongings and not fight who you truly are. Here are a few tips to overcome the urge to purge.

  • Limit your purchases. When you carefully select items to add to your collection, rather than buying everything in sight, you will feel more confident about your purchases and keep spending habits in check.
  • Don’t buy mix-matched articles. When making a purchase, choose items that will complement each other. If you buy a top, get a skirt to match. You won’t regret having a pile of clothes that look like they were picked out by a three year old girl playing dress up.
  • Store your items lovingly. If your belongings are packed with care, you may be less likely to garbage them.
  • If you are susceptible to purging, write a note to your future self, reminding you how much you love and need those items to be your true, happy self. Place the note with some photos on the top of your bag or on your closet door.
Remind yourself how happy you were when you were being your true self!
  • Tell a trusted friend. When you reveal your secret to just one person, it doesn’t seem as scary.
  • Rent a storage locker. If you are afraid a new girlfriend, wife or parent is going to come across your secret stash, store it somewhere more private, yet still accessible. (Lesada offers storage in London, Ontario for a very nominal fee!)
  • Purge in small quantities. We all make regrettable purchases from time to time, especially online. If you bought items that don’t fit or don’t suit you, get rid of those things. Make sure your next purchases are items that will match and work with your articles that make you feel great.
  • Speak with Leanne, Transformation Maven and Life Coach. If you are fighting the urge to purge because you are ashamed of who you truly are, you are not alone. Leanne specializes in coaching crossdressers to value their self worth and confidence. Book a Free 15 Minute Call or in-depth 60 Minute Life Clarity Call today!

Have you ever regretted a purge? Tell your story in the comments below.

 

 

 

 

Top 10 Feminine Habits to Develop for Crossdressers

It’s time to shed those little “Man”nerisms that you do everyday without even thinking. When you develop new feminine habits and retrain your brain to think and act as a woman, you will be well on your way to enjoying the new you even more! What’s awesome is that all of these habits can be performed while in male mode!

10. Put your Napkin on Your Lap

It’s more delicate, more refined and more feminine when you take a moment to place your napkin on your lap before eating. Having your napkin on your lap will also remind you to sit with your legs together, rather than in a V-shape as many men sit.

9. Learn a Craft

Men tend to be more handy with tools and fixing things, so use your hands by doing a more delicate craft. There are many classes available at art supply stores such as Michaels or local art galleries. You can also investigate your library for classes or crafting books. Some fun crafts to try are scrapbooking, rubber stamps or card making, pottery or pottery painting at Crock-a-Doodle, making your own Christmas decorations or floral arranging.

8. Switch Beer for Wine or a Cocktail

Men often drink beers with the guys, but women drink wine, fruit coolers or cocktails like Bellinis when together. Next time you’re out, order a drink that comes with a straw and pretend you’re wearing lipstick that you don’t want to smudge!

7. Do More Housework

Even though times have changed, it’s still a fact that women complete most of the household chores including vacuuming, dusting and laundry. Ask your wife all the things she does around the house. You might be surprised how much she accomplishes that you didn’t even know needed to be done! Be a better husband and a better woman by learning how to complete some of those chores and changing your housecleaning habits.

Take on more household chores to develop your feminine habits.

6. Sit With Your Legs Closed

Men often make themselves bigger with a more open pose for standing, sitting and walking. Reduce your stature by changing your posture. Keep your legs and arms together when sitting and standing. This is a habit that is taught to girls when they are young-“Sit with your legs closed, hands on your lap, you’re wearing a skirt and no one needs to see your panties!” Said Mom and Grandma.

Sit in a closed position, opposite of the big open posture a man takes.

5. Call Yourself a Girl

When describing yourself, especially while dressed, don’t say things like “I’m a conservative guy” or “I’m a shy guy.” When you are dressed as a girl, make it a habit to describe yourself as such by saying things like “I’m a fun girl.”

4. Smile More

No matter who you are, or how you’re feeling, the habit of smiling more is sure to put you in a good mood, as well as those around you. Smiling at people also develops confidence and rapport. If you can show people through a smile that you are happy who you are, then the world will be a better place with you in it.

3. Adopt a Skin-Care Routine

Skin Care is extremely important to most women. No one wants wrinkles, blotchy skin, sun-burned skin or a tired look. A simple routine of washing and moisturizing your face twice a day will make a world of difference in the quality of your skin. Don’t forget to apply sunscreen as well!

2. Carry Personal Items in a Bag

Don’t stuff your pockets full with your wallet, keys, cell phone, etc. Use a satchel, purse, or even a back pack to carry your belongings around. Most women’s clothes don’t have pockets and if they do, they aren’t large enough to carry all that stuff. Develop a new feminine habit by leaving the house with a bag of some sort.

1. Sit to Pee!

This seems so obvious to me, but my clients always leave the toilet seat lid up after using my bathroom at an appointment. Whether you’re dressed or not, pee like a girl in a seated position!

By adopting these 10 simple habits, you will be well on your way to thinking and acting more like a lady. To learn more feminine habits or to hone your feminine silhouette, book a Comportment Lesson at Lesada today!

What challenges do you have when thinking as a women? Comment below.

Pride Without a Parade

Pride Parades are over-the-top, flamboyant, loud, exciting displays, but we should display pride in who we are everyday, not just during a Parade!

I was planning to attend a massive Pride Parade in Toronto. I bought a group bus ticket so I didn’t have to drive in a congested, unknown city when there were hundreds of thousands of people there. But, unfortunately, the bus, unbeknownst to me, had been cancelled due to low ticket sales. So, I didn’t get to go. But I was able to watch a portion of it on television. The announcers were interviewing many people, asking what Pride meant to them.

What Does PRIDE Mean?

Many people responded to the reporters that Pride meant inclusivity, acceptance, and being their true selves. Not many people mentioned that they associate Pride with sexual orientation, gender identity or fighting for rights, which was the intention of the Parade when it began years ago. 38 Years ago, in Toronto! Most people want to belong, live life the way they want to and express themselves in a way they feel comfortable.

As I was sitting in my car, all decked out in my rainbow wig and t-shirt, I got thinking. How can we carry the Spirit of Pride with us, wherever and whenever we are?

Show PRIDE by Supporting Others

The best way to share the accepting, inclusive spirit of Pride is to learn about others. Ask their name, what pronouns they prefer, and any other questions you want clarified. When you approach people with curiosity, rather than judgement, people are very willing to open up to you. It is through education and understanding that acceptance is born.

You can also show your openness and acceptance by displaying the Pride flag on your car or window, or by wearing an Ally button or bracelet. Even if you don’t identify under the LGBTQ umbrella, you can display your support and friendship in beautiful ways.

Display the Pride Ally symbol to show your support.

Show PRIDE by Educating Yourself

Learn all the identifying definitions and terms. There are so many! Remember there are a lot of “boxes” that people use to explain who they are. But not everyone fits into a “box”.  And “boxes” don’t always need a definition. It’s ok to accept people as they are without defining who they are. But if people want to identify with a certain term, please do your best to understand and be open with their definitions.

There are many other books, articles and videos that highlight individual stories of coming out, struggles and successes. You can show compassion for others by listening to them and sharing your own stories.

Show PRIDE by Accepting Others

Everyone is unique, it’s not a new concept. We are different from our neighbours, siblings, parents, friends, no two people are alike. We are most likely drawn to others who are similar and may be turned off others who are very different.

During the Pride Parade, you will see a lot of differences. You will see bare bums, buckets of glitter, promiscuity, colourful hair, extreme piercings and many other socially wild things. And even if you wouldn’t be caught dead gyrating in the street like some people at Pride, you can still agree to accept your differences in the way you have fun in this world. Also, at Pride, people get caught up in the loud, pulse, energy of the crowd and get carried away. It doesn’t mean that the way people act during the parade are how they are everyday in their home. So be accepting of how people chose to come out, get out of their own confines, and live it up from time to time.

To read individual stories of how others see themselves, visit Lesada Community.

Show PRIDE by Being Yourself

The most beautiful way you can display your love, acceptance and spirit of Pride is to go confidently into the world and love yourself. Sometimes loving yourself is harder than loving others. If you can love yourself, with all your flaws and perfections, shortcomings and successes, you can most certainly feel pride in other’s qualities. Shining your light bright enough for others to follow can make a huge difference in this world. Self acceptance and pride in yourself is the greatest gift you can give! Recognizing yourself in others contributes to respect, love and understanding as well.

Be proud of who you are everyday! Share in the Spirit of Pride, even if you can’t make it to the Parade.

Share your thoughts below on how you show your Pride support.