Getting Past the Past

There’s a beautiful song I love called Past the Past by Jess Moskaluke. Please listen to it now… I think we can all relate in someway, can’t we? Today I’d like to focus on a few of the specific lines. As someone who can very much relate to this song, both personally and on behalf of clients, I want to examine why it’s hard to get Past the Past. And as a Life Coach, I can say that change is possible and you can do this!

Too Scared to be Happy Now

The fear of success keeps many people from starting their own business, going out on dates, making new friends or moving to a new city. What if we are shot down? Or worse, what if we are successful? If we start doing new things, that’s going to more learning, more new people, more money spent. Too often we cling to the familiar. It’s so much easier to live with what we know how to manage. We tell ourselves that it’s always been this way, how can things change?

People who are unhappy might not even know it!

Many of my crossdressing clients are afraid to wear makeup for the first time in case they don’t end up looking pretty. It’s easier to not know what they could look like, rather than destroy the fantasy with what could possibly be, a terrible reality check. But being scared to take that next step holds them back from being truly happy with themselves. It holds them back from being themselves in public, making new friends and experiencing ultimate success.

People I Depended on Didn’t Show Up

This line really hit me in the gut. When I was going through my divorce with an abusive husband, I lost a lot of friends. Mostly because they weren’t there for me during a very difficult time. I couldn’t get over the fact that my best friend wouldn’t even talk to me on the phone. She wouldn’t get together with me or check in to see how I was doing. She told me later that she didn’t know what to do. So she did nothing. My family was there, but they didn’t know how to support me and encourage me in a way to help me grow. Everyone was emotional and their feelings and hurts hindered my growth and ability to move on and away from the past.

My crossdressing clients also describe this hurt. Many crossdressers stay in the closet out of fear of hurting the people who love them. They feel that they can’t be happy when they are changing someone else’s life so drastically against their wishes.

You Give me Love I Didn’t Earn

I turned to Internet chat forums and social platforms to find new people to get me through my difficult times. Those people came through for me. They loved me where I was at and were there when I needed an impartial ear to listen. But I was always wary of why they were there. My own friends weren’t there, so what did these people expect of me in return? As it turns out, nothing! These people came to me with love. They had been there too and wanted nothing more than to give back in appreciation of others who had helped them through their own struggles. These strangers didn’t care about my past because it didn’t affect them or their relationship with me. Quite unlike the people who had known me for years, who were very emotionally invested in me.

Re-Write All My History

It is possible to re-write history. We can learn from our mistakes and tell others about them. We can change our thought patterns about certain topics or experiences. We can re-write someone else’s future while healing our own past. And once we have moved into true happiness, we can look back and be grateful for the difficulty. Because without it, we wouldn’t have met those new people, moved to a new city or started that business.

I Just Gotta Get Past the Past

Easier said than done, isn’t it? But trust me, it is possible. And once you do, a wonderful, amazing world of confidence and freedom is handed to you! Yes, it is handed to you. Once you get Past the Past.

You must be willing to get over the fear of being happy, put your faith and trust in strangers, seek change and re-write your thought patterns and old stories you tell yourself.

As a Life Coach, I can guide you through all of these challenges. We will develop customized action plans and take baby steps to take you from hurting paralysis to soaring happiness! I am the one to give you love you didn’t earn and love you for where you are, even if you aren’t loving yourself right now.

If you want to get Past the Past and get help from someone who truly understands you and what you are going through, book your first session today! It’s only $35! Learn more at lesada.ca/coaching

Differing Journeys

Have you ever heard the saying “There’s more than one way to skin a cat?” It means that there’s more than one path to reach a destination.

When I was in my late teens, I wanted to go to school, get married, have a family. When I went off to college, I already had a boyfriend. He proposed to me in November of my first year. He was the only boyfriend I ever had. My parents hadn’t talked to me about dating or what it was like to live on my own or with a room mate. I just assumed that you were supposed to marry the person you were with. So I agreed to the proposal. I wanted a house and a family and thought that that was how it worked.

Looking back…

twenty years and a divorce later, I realize my thoughts were wrong. There is more than one way to skin a cat. I was working full time, I could have easily afforded the tiny apartment we had on my own. As for children, we all know a person can do that on their own too, although a family unit with a mom, dad and kid is what I wanted. But even so, I didn’t have a baby until six years after I got married. That was plenty of time for me to have built a little nest on my own before finding the right person for me. Sigh. If only I had known then what I know now…

I have a lot of young people come in to Lesada looking for direction. They are considering transitioning from male to female. Often they are confused about sexuality, emotions, dating and their place in society. Just because a man likes wearing silky nighties or painting his toenails doesn’t mean he has to suddenly become a woman.

Looking ahead…

My advice to those seeking answers is to explore. Experiment with different people. Find out what you like and what you don’t like. Build on what you learn and what you enjoy. In this day and age, you can do anything you want, as long as you aren’t hurting anyone else. Maybe you are a man who likes to wear eyeliner, or, maybe you really are a girl, or maybe a bit of both!

Your twenties, thirties, forties, fifties and beyond are all ages to explore new interests. If you think you might like something, try it. Even if it’s not what others are doing. Explorations lead to discoveries and it’s so exciting when you discover yourself!

Looking up…

Exploration, breaking new ground and cutting new paths on your journey can be scary and hard. If you need help and a guide along the way, consider Life Coaching. I, Leanne, am a certified Transformational Life Coach and would be happy to work with you as you explore your life’s path. It’s easy to get started, just visit www.lesada.ca/coaching to book your first call.

 

 

Confidence! Own It!

I was being interviewed for the book Finding Inclusivity by Paula Mould. As I was telling her my story, I kept saying “I’m shy.” When I was done my story, she said “I don’t think you’re shy. You should tell yourself a different story.” So after hanging up the phone, I turned to Google, curious, and asked “What is the opposite of shy?” You know what the reply was? “Confidence!”

So many times we tell ourselves a story as to what our identity is. Oftentimes this story can be damaging.

I’m fat.

I’m not smart enough.

I don’t have enough money.

I can’t.

What story do you tell yourself?

I was in an office the other day and saw this sign sitting on a woman’s desk.

I'm Pretty Sure I Have No Idea

I thought it was cute and funny but it didn’t give me much confidence in the woman’s professional ability. In fact, I wondered if I should be doing business with her at all! She obviously doesn’t have much confidence in herself.

Listen to the stories you tell yourself. What are you portraying to others? Are you exuding confidence or do you need to re-write your story?

Many people are ashamed of themselves. Many people who contact me don’t feel they are “Passable” or good enough to go out dressed in the real world. They end up staying at home, missing out on all the fun. But, after talking to me and deciding to spend a couple hours with me, learning how to apply cosmetics or how to shop for the right clothes or being fitted for a beautiful new wig, they suddenly start looking at themselves in a more positive light.

I assure you, if you have confidence, it really doesn’t matter how you look or what you wear. People will love you, include you, and want to be around you, as long as you have confidence in yourself.

A Fun Exercise in Confidence

Have you ever looked at yourself in the mirror and said “I love you”?

Try it.

Try it again.

And again and again until you believe it. At first you might think it’s stupid. then after awhile you might cry. Then, by the end, when you get it, you will be laughing!

Give it a try!

Adding Confidence to Your World

Really, the best way to improve your confidence is to hang around with other confident people.

  • Examine your friends, including Facebook friends. Are they positive people or do they suck you down?
  • Read inspirational books
  • Don’t indulge in gossip at work
  • Attend a class or seminar to boost your knowledge and self esteem as well as make new friends
  • Go to a convention to meet like-minded peers
  • Clear the clutter in your calendar or home that feeds into insecurities

Confidence Coaching

If you don’t know any positive people who can get you on track, or if you really need a boost and fast, consider Confidence Coaching. Leanne, Transformation Maven of Lesada is a skilled Confidence Coach. Her 12 week program is designed to boost your energy, heighten your self awareness and sky rocket your confidence in yourself! To find out if this program is for you, simply book your 60 Minute Life Clarity Call. You will walk away from the call with valuable insight as to what direction you should be headed and what your next steps should be to ensure you are Stepping Out In Confidence!

What could you achieve if only you owned a different story? Comment your dreams below!

 

 

 

 

Creative Ways to Save Money!

Creative Ways to Save Money

Creative Ways to Save Money!

“A penny saved is a penny earned” is an old phrase that encourages us to save money and become wealthy. But these days most people are spending more than they are earning, falling into debt, depression and anxiety. These feelings lead to more spending as they try to make themselves feel better. If you feel like you’re walking on a tight rope, balancing between just getting by and falling into a bottomless pit, read on for some great tips to improve your finances and your well-being.

Examine All Your Expenses

Write every single thing down that you spend money on in the course of a week or month. You will see patterns and some things may surprise you. Do you have expenses coming out of your account automatically that you no longer need? Do you spend more than you thought on eating fast food or coffee? Are you more generous than your budget allows when it comes to lending money to a friend or donating? Really examine those expenses and determine what can easily be cut or pared down. Sometimes even the chore of having to write down small expenses will be a deterrent to spending on little, draining things.

Bundle to Save

If you found that you were spending money on a lot of insurance, home services (such as internet, cable, phone), classes or magazines, bundle to save! Get a subscription to our favourite magazine instead of buying from a store, use the same provider for insurance and home services as they usually give a discount for multiple products. And get a membership to your gym, pool or dance studio instead of paying for individual classes. You can usually save a ton of money by being loyal to the services, products and companies you already enjoy.

Shop Around

If your attempts at bundling with current services didn’t work, shop around to get a better deal elsewhere. Shop around for groceries, clothes, shoes, home decor, car repairs and so on. Pretty much everything can be purchased second hand or at discount stores. Often the thrill of finding a deal can improve your state of mind as well as your bank balance.

Improve Your Health

Improving your health and mental wellbeing can greatly increase your cash flow. When you’re depressed you can’t work as well, you might even need to take time off work for your health which reduces your income and to save money. Poor health leads to taking costly medications for cholesterol, blood pressure and diabetes. Eating out at fast food restaurants instead of preparing meals at home is also a big knock to the bank account. Examine your health habits and find ways to cut costs as well as your waistline.

Seek Help from a Professional

Visit your bank or get advice from a financial advisor if you are serious about saving money. These are free services designed to help you get out of debt and into saving and living  worry free about money. They will help you stick to your budget, save and pay down debt all at the same time. Do not be embarrassed by your situation. 

Share Your Successes

It’s really motivating to share what’s going well! Comment below on how you saved money or increased your income.

 

 

Turning Phases into Passions

“It’s Just A Phase”…

This line, often spoken condescendingly about children who are exploring a new pastime or interest, means they “will grow out of it” and move on to another interest in a couple days or weeks.

But really, phases are very natural and necessary to our growth. The moon has phases, seasons change and we evolve.

Even in adulthood we have phases.

Over the last few years I went through many fashion phases. There was the phase when I discovered Just Fab shoes and I got a new pair of shoes delivered every other month. Until I realized my closet was overflowing with ridiculously high heels that I couldn’t really have fun in! Then there was the scarf phase and the vintage hat phase…I just had to buy them all!

In doing those things, though, each phase brought me more self confidence. The shoes made me stand out in a crowd. People approached me to talk and I lost my shyness. The scarves and hats also caught the eye of others in a positive way and I received lots of compliments and envious stares. I was pulling off something they weren’t brave enough to attempt.

Passions are Phases Evolved

Sometimes our “Phases” never subside. They are an ingrained part of us and we can’t shake them no matter how hard we try. Those are the “Phases” we should never fight, because that is who we truly are. That is our passion!

When we have found our passion, we become masters of our interests.We stay in the “Phase”, but stretch our knowledge and experiences to continually refine that part of ourselves.

Are you Passionate about something? Maybe it started as a slight interest or even a vague curiosity and has never left your being. What is it you truly desire?

Are You Feeling Stuck in Your “Phase?”

People who are Passionate, will experience a feeling of being stuck. If you are a business owner, parent or are trying to evolve your life into who you truly want to be, you are bound to get stuck at times.

This is natural and it’s at this point where we need to find that new “Phase” to help us evolve, grow and revive the passion that we were feeling in the beginning.

If you know your passion is inside you, but aren’t sure what your next “phase” is, book your 60 Minute Life Clarity Call at Lesada.

During your Life Clarity Call, you will gain insight as to what your next step should be, develop an action plan to get you there, as it fits into your everyday life and also learn how to appreciate how far you have traveled on your journey already!

Your 60 Minute Life Clarity Call is only $73.50 CAN + tax. There is no need to feel stuck! Revive the passion that is inside youand set out on the next step towards living your true life!