Getting Past the Past

There’s a beautiful song I love called Past the Past by Jess Moskaluke. Please listen to it now… I think we can all relate in someway, can’t we? Today I’d like to focus on a few of the specific lines. As someone who can very much relate to this song, both personally and on behalf of clients, I want to examine why it’s hard to get Past the Past. And as a Life Coach, I can say that change is possible and you can do this!

Too Scared to be Happy Now

The fear of success keeps many people from starting their own business, going out on dates, making new friends or moving to a new city. What if we are shot down? Or worse, what if we are successful? If we start doing new things, that’s going to more learning, more new people, more money spent. Too often we cling to the familiar. It’s so much easier to live with what we know how to manage. We tell ourselves that it’s always been this way, how can things change?

People who are unhappy might not even know it!

Many of my crossdressing clients are afraid to wear makeup for the first time in case they don’t end up looking pretty. It’s easier to not know what they could look like, rather than destroy the fantasy with what could possibly be, a terrible reality check. But being scared to take that next step holds them back from being truly happy with themselves. It holds them back from being themselves in public, making new friends and experiencing ultimate success.

People I Depended on Didn’t Show Up

This line really hit me in the gut. When I was going through my divorce with an abusive husband, I lost a lot of friends. Mostly because they weren’t there for me during a very difficult time. I couldn’t get over the fact that my best friend wouldn’t even talk to me on the phone. She wouldn’t get together with me or check in to see how I was doing. She told me later that she didn’t know what to do. So she did nothing. My family was there, but they didn’t know how to support me and encourage me in a way to help me grow. Everyone was emotional and their feelings and hurts hindered my growth and ability to move on and away from the past.

My crossdressing clients also describe this hurt. Many crossdressers stay in the closet out of fear of hurting the people who love them. They feel that they can’t be happy when they are changing someone else’s life so drastically against their wishes.

You Give me Love I Didn’t Earn

I turned to Internet chat forums and social platforms to find new people to get me through my difficult times. Those people came through for me. They loved me where I was at and were there when I needed an impartial ear to listen. But I was always wary of why they were there. My own friends weren’t there, so what did these people expect of me in return? As it turns out, nothing! These people came to me with love. They had been there too and wanted nothing more than to give back in appreciation of others who had helped them through their own struggles. These strangers didn’t care about my past because it didn’t affect them or their relationship with me. Quite unlike the people who had known me for years, who were very emotionally invested in me.

Re-Write All My History

It is possible to re-write history. We can learn from our mistakes and tell others about them. We can change our thought patterns about certain topics or experiences. We can re-write someone else’s future while healing our own past. And once we have moved into true happiness, we can look back and be grateful for the difficulty. Because without it, we wouldn’t have met those new people, moved to a new city or started that business.

I Just Gotta Get Past the Past

Easier said than done, isn’t it? But trust me, it is possible. And once you do, a wonderful, amazing world of confidence and freedom is handed to you! Yes, it is handed to you. Once you get Past the Past.

You must be willing to get over the fear of being happy, put your faith and trust in strangers, seek change and re-write your thought patterns and old stories you tell yourself.

As a Life Coach, I can guide you through all of these challenges. We will develop customized action plans and take baby steps to take you from hurting paralysis to soaring happiness! I am the one to give you love you didn’t earn and love you for where you are, even if you aren’t loving yourself right now.

If you want to get Past the Past and get help from someone who truly understands you and what you are going through, book your first session today! It’s only $35! Learn more at lesada.ca/coaching

Differing Journeys

Have you ever heard the saying “There’s more than one way to skin a cat?” It means that there’s more than one path to reach a destination.

When I was in my late teens, I wanted to go to school, get married, have a family. When I went off to college, I already had a boyfriend. He proposed to me in November of my first year. He was the only boyfriend I ever had. My parents hadn’t talked to me about dating or what it was like to live on my own or with a room mate. I just assumed that you were supposed to marry the person you were with. So I agreed to the proposal. I wanted a house and a family and thought that that was how it worked.

Looking back…

twenty years and a divorce later, I realize my thoughts were wrong. There is more than one way to skin a cat. I was working full time, I could have easily afforded the tiny apartment we had on my own. As for children, we all know a person can do that on their own too, although a family unit with a mom, dad and kid is what I wanted. But even so, I didn’t have a baby until six years after I got married. That was plenty of time for me to have built a little nest on my own before finding the right person for me. Sigh. If only I had known then what I know now…

I have a lot of young people come in to Lesada looking for direction. They are considering transitioning from male to female. Often they are confused about sexuality, emotions, dating and their place in society. Just because a man likes wearing silky nighties or painting his toenails doesn’t mean he has to suddenly become a woman.

Looking ahead…

My advice to those seeking answers is to explore. Experiment with different people. Find out what you like and what you don’t like. Build on what you learn and what you enjoy. In this day and age, you can do anything you want, as long as you aren’t hurting anyone else. Maybe you are a man who likes to wear eyeliner, or, maybe you really are a girl, or maybe a bit of both!

Your twenties, thirties, forties, fifties and beyond are all ages to explore new interests. If you think you might like something, try it. Even if it’s not what others are doing. Explorations lead to discoveries and it’s so exciting when you discover yourself!

Looking up…

Exploration, breaking new ground and cutting new paths on your journey can be scary and hard. If you need help and a guide along the way, consider Life Coaching. I, Leanne, am a certified Transformational Life Coach and would be happy to work with you as you explore your life’s path. It’s easy to get started, just visit www.lesada.ca/coaching to book your first call.

 

 

Top 10 Feminine Habits to Develop for Crossdressers

It’s time to shed those little “Man”nerisms that you do everyday without even thinking. When you develop new feminine habits and retrain your brain to think and act as a woman, you will be well on your way to enjoying the new you even more! What’s awesome is that all of these habits can be performed while in male mode!

10. Put your Napkin on Your Lap

It’s more delicate, more refined and more feminine when you take a moment to place your napkin on your lap before eating. Having your napkin on your lap will also remind you to sit with your legs together, rather than in a V-shape as many men sit.

9. Learn a Craft

Men tend to be more handy with tools and fixing things, so use your hands by doing a more delicate craft. There are many classes available at art supply stores such as Michaels or local art galleries. You can also investigate your library for classes or crafting books. Some fun crafts to try are scrapbooking, rubber stamps or card making, pottery or pottery painting at Crock-a-Doodle, making your own Christmas decorations or floral arranging.

8. Switch Beer for Wine or a Cocktail

Men often drink beers with the guys, but women drink wine, fruit coolers or cocktails like Bellinis when together. Next time you’re out, order a drink that comes with a straw and pretend you’re wearing lipstick that you don’t want to smudge!

7. Do More Housework

Even though times have changed, it’s still a fact that women complete most of the household chores including vacuuming, dusting and laundry. Ask your wife all the things she does around the house. You might be surprised how much she accomplishes that you didn’t even know needed to be done! Be a better husband and a better woman by learning how to complete some of those chores and changing your housecleaning habits.

Take on more household chores to develop your feminine habits.

6. Sit With Your Legs Closed

Men often make themselves bigger with a more open pose for standing, sitting and walking. Reduce your stature by changing your posture. Keep your legs and arms together when sitting and standing. This is a habit that is taught to girls when they are young-“Sit with your legs closed, hands on your lap, you’re wearing a skirt and no one needs to see your panties!” Said Mom and Grandma.

Sit in a closed position, opposite of the big open posture a man takes.

5. Call Yourself a Girl

When describing yourself, especially while dressed, don’t say things like “I’m a conservative guy” or “I’m a shy guy.” When you are dressed as a girl, make it a habit to describe yourself as such by saying things like “I’m a fun girl.”

4. Smile More

No matter who you are, or how you’re feeling, the habit of smiling more is sure to put you in a good mood, as well as those around you. Smiling at people also develops confidence and rapport. If you can show people through a smile that you are happy who you are, then the world will be a better place with you in it.

3. Adopt a Skin-Care Routine

Skin Care is extremely important to most women. No one wants wrinkles, blotchy skin, sun-burned skin or a tired look. A simple routine of washing and moisturizing your face twice a day will make a world of difference in the quality of your skin. Don’t forget to apply sunscreen as well!

2. Carry Personal Items in a Bag

Don’t stuff your pockets full with your wallet, keys, cell phone, etc. Use a satchel, purse, or even a back pack to carry your belongings around. Most women’s clothes don’t have pockets and if they do, they aren’t large enough to carry all that stuff. Develop a new feminine habit by leaving the house with a bag of some sort.

1. Sit to Pee!

This seems so obvious to me, but my clients always leave the toilet seat lid up after using my bathroom at an appointment. Whether you’re dressed or not, pee like a girl in a seated position!

By adopting these 10 simple habits, you will be well on your way to thinking and acting more like a lady. To learn more feminine habits or to hone your feminine silhouette, book a Comportment Lesson at Lesada today!

What challenges do you have when thinking as a women? Comment below.

Fun Femme Outings! for Crossdressers

No one likes to be all dressed up with no where to go! When you’re dressed up, feeling gorgeous and on top of the world, it’s awesome to keep that feeling alive by enjoying an outing. Sometimes the thrill of dressing is enough to satisfy, but after awhile, you are going to want to share your beautiful self with the world. And if you’ve already enjoyed an outing or two,  I know you will want to do more and more with your femininity. So read on to get some new ideas for Fun Femme Outings!

A Hesitant Outing

If you’ve never dared to go out before, it’s time you did! Here are a few basics just to get your high-heeled foot out the door.

  • Go out on your back deck, balcony or stand inside the garage with the big door open. Breathe deeply for 5-10 minutes and smile at the world.
  • Take your car for a short drive, even if it’s at night, around town.
  • Take a walk to the mailbox, corner store or nearest intersection.

An Alone Outing

Once you’ve mastered leaving the house, you’ll want to spend some time testing your limits and building your confidence on a more thrilling outing. Here are some fun things you can do alone, without needing to involve anyone from the outside world.

  • Go to a park, sit on a bench and read a book or walk your dog.
  • Go to a large store or mall and wander around, you don’t need to buy anything. You don’t even need to go in, just stand in the parking lot!
  • Go to a drive-thru and place your order. Have cash and a smile ready for the cashier.
  • Go to the bank machine, dry cleaners, return your library books, or do any other regular errands that are simple and routine to you.

A Confidence Building Outing

The fun and thrills can really start to mount when you have the confidence to interact with other people! These people will probably be strangers, but make sure you look at them, speak up so they can hear you and smile, smile, smile! Remember you are not ashamed of who you are. What you are doing is not illegal and you have every right to live your life the way you want to. So, go, have fun and be proud of who you are!

  • Go to a cafe and sit in the front window.
  • Go shopping and try stuff on, make a purchase if your budget allows.
  • Visit an art gallery, museum, tourist attraction or point of interest.
  • Attend a seminar or talk geared for women.
  • Go to a nightclub.
  • Visit a salon for a mani/pedi.

A Making Friends Outing

Going out alone can be thrilling, but after awhile, it can seem routine. You’ll start wishing you had a friend to shop with, eat with, laugh with. Consider the friends you already have. Can you, or have you, revealed your true self to any of them? Would they be willing to go out with you? Try these tips to have a fun experience with others.

  • Book a Girl’s Day Out with Leanne from Lesada.
  • Find some new friends in your area from online sources or social media. Be sure they are local though, so you can actually go out with them.
  • Revisit all those places you went to alone and start talking to other people who are there and make friends with them.

The Ultimate Outing

Once you have confidence, a smile on your face, the taste of new thrilling experiences and friends at your side, the world is yours for the taking! You will no longer consider your outings as “Femme Outings,” but rather just outings and fun times. Your outings will be a way of life and you will wonder how it was ever scary or difficult to step out onto your front porch.

  • Attend a group event or support group fun night.
  • Travel to a convention, such as Fabulous at the Falls, Gal’s Spring Fling, WildSide Las Vegas, TG Detroit, etc.
  • Get your girlfriends together for a sleepover. Go to a hotel, cottage or resort.
  • Party it up at a club.
  • Host a direct sales shopping night party.
  • Throw a movie night with the girls.
  • Go bowling, play laser tag or mini golf with a bunch of friends.
  • Give each other makeovers and giggle about boys like a bunch of teenagers!

No matter what stage you are at in your Outing Confidence Level, just have fun! Life is way too short to worry about what others think. Make your own choices, stretch your own limits and Step Out in Confidence!

Leave a comment below describing your Fun Femme Outing experiences!

Dating Tips for Crossdressers

Dating Tips for Crossdressers

Let’s face it: Dating is tough. Dating is stressful. Dating sometimes makes you just want to stay single. These feelings can multiply if you are a crossdresser or are transgender. But there is definitely hope. Many couples enjoy a successful relationship that includes crossdressing. There are several key factors that were put in place to have this success. Read on to find out how you can enrich your dating life and give your whole self to a new relationship.

Know Yourself

Before you put yourself out there in the dating world, get to know yourself. Dating sites ask key questions on a profile builder and you need to know those answers! Have some hobbies and interests, create memories and experiences so you have exciting stories to share. Be involved in your community or career. If you want to find Mr. or Ms. Right, it’s only fair that you become Mr. or Ms. Right. If you are down and unhappy or projecting negativity into the world it will show on your profile and you will be passed over whether you are a crossdresser or not. People want to date fun people!  If you aren’t in a happy place, get help from a coach to change your perspective.

Be Open

All successful relationships that include crossdressing attribute this success to being open and honest. If you are hiding some aspect of yourself because you think it is shameful, then others will deem it to be shameful. Crossdressing is very common and is not shameful. It is a part of who you are and if you want someone to love you completely, you have to give them the opportunity to know you completely. Openness is a must for all relationships. If you enjoy crossdressing regularly, you may want to include some of your photos on your profile. Just as someone may enjoy running marathons or cooking or playing roller derby, you enjoy crossdressing and your photos should be a good indication of those interests.

Don’t Talk About Sexual Interests

Even if you are into crossdressing purely for sexual enjoyment, you do not need to reveal this to a potential partner in the beginning. People get turned off by sexual discussions when you haven’t even met or had an intimate encounter. You may feel this is an important part of being open, but in the beginning it’s not at all. If you want a long-term, loving relationship with someone, you need to know them first. It’s important to first find out if they can carry on a conversation, if you have similar interests, if you even get along. Once the chemistry is there and you want to share yourself more intimately with someone, you can lead up to sexual fantasies. A good rule to follow is do not talk about sex with someone until you have actually had sex with them!

Be Ready to Answer Questions

Dating is a chance to get to know a potential partner before making a commitment to be exclusive. If you reveal your feminine side to a potential partner, be prepared to answer questions and make sure your answers are cast in a positive light. Don’t be down on yourself or belittle yourself. Tell them why you love it, get excited about who you are and explain how it’s going to create a better relationship between the two of you. People shy away from the unknown. If you answer questions that your partner has, they will be more understanding and accepting. Be sure to tell your date any major future feminine plans (for example if you want GRS), so they are prepared and can ask more questions before making a decision about your future together.

Ask the Right Questions

Numerous times, I have been asked “Would you date a crossdresser?” This is absolutely not the make or break factor when it comes to dating. That’s like asking “Would you date a mountain climber?” I have absolutely no idea. Do they make me laugh? Are they good with kids? Do they have a job? Do they like going to antique markets? Because those things are all important to me too. Ask questions to find out what your date enjoys and if you enjoy those things too.

Date Outside of “Your Type”

I was looking for a classy, clean-cut man but I met someone who has a long beard, tattoos on his head and has no clue what a charcuterie board is! But, we are a hit and engaged to be married! Don’t be so stuck on a certain look or type of person that you miss out on an amazing potential partner. In a way, you are possibly asking your dates to date outside of their type with you, so give others a chance for yourself.

Live in the Moment

Often when dating, people get caught up in the future. People worry about distance and how would it work in the long term. Or people wonder if their friends and family would like their date. People also worry about getting married. None of those things matter when you are just dating. If you like someone and they like you back, all those other factors will just naturally sort themselves out. The Universe will align to allow what’s right for you to fall into place. When dating, live in the moment, enjoy the present with your partner and have fun being you as you get to know who they are.

With these elements in place, you will have fun, live in the moment and enjoy dating with a new perspective! Be you! Have fun! Enjoy Dating!

Comment below on your dating experiences and successes. What helped you find a partner or what struggles are you facing? Do you have any funny stories to share? Let others reader know in the comments below.

Creative Ways to Save Money!

Creative Ways to Save Money

Creative Ways to Save Money!

“A penny saved is a penny earned” is an old phrase that encourages us to save money and become wealthy. But these days most people are spending more than they are earning, falling into debt, depression and anxiety. These feelings lead to more spending as they try to make themselves feel better. If you feel like you’re walking on a tight rope, balancing between just getting by and falling into a bottomless pit, read on for some great tips to improve your finances and your well-being.

Examine All Your Expenses

Write every single thing down that you spend money on in the course of a week or month. You will see patterns and some things may surprise you. Do you have expenses coming out of your account automatically that you no longer need? Do you spend more than you thought on eating fast food or coffee? Are you more generous than your budget allows when it comes to lending money to a friend or donating? Really examine those expenses and determine what can easily be cut or pared down. Sometimes even the chore of having to write down small expenses will be a deterrent to spending on little, draining things.

Bundle to Save

If you found that you were spending money on a lot of insurance, home services (such as internet, cable, phone), classes or magazines, bundle to save! Get a subscription to our favourite magazine instead of buying from a store, use the same provider for insurance and home services as they usually give a discount for multiple products. And get a membership to your gym, pool or dance studio instead of paying for individual classes. You can usually save a ton of money by being loyal to the services, products and companies you already enjoy.

Shop Around

If your attempts at bundling with current services didn’t work, shop around to get a better deal elsewhere. Shop around for groceries, clothes, shoes, home decor, car repairs and so on. Pretty much everything can be purchased second hand or at discount stores. Often the thrill of finding a deal can improve your state of mind as well as your bank balance.

Improve Your Health

Improving your health and mental wellbeing can greatly increase your cash flow. When you’re depressed you can’t work as well, you might even need to take time off work for your health which reduces your income and to save money. Poor health leads to taking costly medications for cholesterol, blood pressure and diabetes. Eating out at fast food restaurants instead of preparing meals at home is also a big knock to the bank account. Examine your health habits and find ways to cut costs as well as your waistline.

Seek Help from a Professional

Visit your bank or get advice from a financial advisor if you are serious about saving money. These are free services designed to help you get out of debt and into saving and living  worry free about money. They will help you stick to your budget, save and pay down debt all at the same time. Do not be embarrassed by your situation. 

Share Your Successes

It’s really motivating to share what’s going well! Comment below on how you saved money or increased your income.

 

 

Turning Phases into Passions

“It’s Just A Phase”…

This line, often spoken condescendingly about children who are exploring a new pastime or interest, means they “will grow out of it” and move on to another interest in a couple days or weeks.

But really, phases are very natural and necessary to our growth. The moon has phases, seasons change and we evolve.

Even in adulthood we have phases.

Over the last few years I went through many fashion phases. There was the phase when I discovered Just Fab shoes and I got a new pair of shoes delivered every other month. Until I realized my closet was overflowing with ridiculously high heels that I couldn’t really have fun in! Then there was the scarf phase and the vintage hat phase…I just had to buy them all!

In doing those things, though, each phase brought me more self confidence. The shoes made me stand out in a crowd. People approached me to talk and I lost my shyness. The scarves and hats also caught the eye of others in a positive way and I received lots of compliments and envious stares. I was pulling off something they weren’t brave enough to attempt.

Passions are Phases Evolved

Sometimes our “Phases” never subside. They are an ingrained part of us and we can’t shake them no matter how hard we try. Those are the “Phases” we should never fight, because that is who we truly are. That is our passion!

When we have found our passion, we become masters of our interests.We stay in the “Phase”, but stretch our knowledge and experiences to continually refine that part of ourselves.

Are you Passionate about something? Maybe it started as a slight interest or even a vague curiosity and has never left your being. What is it you truly desire?

Are You Feeling Stuck in Your “Phase?”

People who are Passionate, will experience a feeling of being stuck. If you are a business owner, parent or are trying to evolve your life into who you truly want to be, you are bound to get stuck at times.

This is natural and it’s at this point where we need to find that new “Phase” to help us evolve, grow and revive the passion that we were feeling in the beginning.

If you know your passion is inside you, but aren’t sure what your next “phase” is, book your 60 Minute Life Clarity Call at Lesada.

During your Life Clarity Call, you will gain insight as to what your next step should be, develop an action plan to get you there, as it fits into your everyday life and also learn how to appreciate how far you have traveled on your journey already!

Your 60 Minute Life Clarity Call is only $73.50 CAN + tax. There is no need to feel stuck! Revive the passion that is inside youand set out on the next step towards living your true life!