Getting Past the Past

There’s a beautiful song I love called Past the Past by Jess Moskaluke. Please listen to it now… I think we can all relate in someway, can’t we? Today I’d like to focus on a few of the specific lines. As someone who can very much relate to this song, both personally and on behalf of clients, I want to examine why it’s hard to get Past the Past. And as a Life Coach, I can say that change is possible and you can do this!

Too Scared to be Happy Now

The fear of success keeps many people from starting their own business, going out on dates, making new friends or moving to a new city. What if we are shot down? Or worse, what if we are successful? If we start doing new things, that’s going to more learning, more new people, more money spent. Too often we cling to the familiar. It’s so much easier to live with what we know how to manage. We tell ourselves that it’s always been this way, how can things change?

People who are unhappy might not even know it!

Many of my crossdressing clients are afraid to wear makeup for the first time in case they don’t end up looking pretty. It’s easier to not know what they could look like, rather than destroy the fantasy with what could possibly be, a terrible reality check. But being scared to take that next step holds them back from being truly happy with themselves. It holds them back from being themselves in public, making new friends and experiencing ultimate success.

People I Depended on Didn’t Show Up

This line really hit me in the gut. When I was going through my divorce with an abusive husband, I lost a lot of friends. Mostly because they weren’t there for me during a very difficult time. I couldn’t get over the fact that my best friend wouldn’t even talk to me on the phone. She wouldn’t get together with me or check in to see how I was doing. She told me later that she didn’t know what to do. So she did nothing. My family was there, but they didn’t know how to support me and encourage me in a way to help me grow. Everyone was emotional and their feelings and hurts hindered my growth and ability to move on and away from the past.

My crossdressing clients also describe this hurt. Many crossdressers stay in the closet out of fear of hurting the people who love them. They feel that they can’t be happy when they are changing someone else’s life so drastically against their wishes.

You Give me Love I Didn’t Earn

I turned to Internet chat forums and social platforms to find new people to get me through my difficult times. Those people came through for me. They loved me where I was at and were there when I needed an impartial ear to listen. But I was always wary of why they were there. My own friends weren’t there, so what did these people expect of me in return? As it turns out, nothing! These people came to me with love. They had been there too and wanted nothing more than to give back in appreciation of others who had helped them through their own struggles. These strangers didn’t care about my past because it didn’t affect them or their relationship with me. Quite unlike the people who had known me for years, who were very emotionally invested in me.

Re-Write All My History

It is possible to re-write history. We can learn from our mistakes and tell others about them. We can change our thought patterns about certain topics or experiences. We can re-write someone else’s future while healing our own past. And once we have moved into true happiness, we can look back and be grateful for the difficulty. Because without it, we wouldn’t have met those new people, moved to a new city or started that business.

I Just Gotta Get Past the Past

Easier said than done, isn’t it? But trust me, it is possible. And once you do, a wonderful, amazing world of confidence and freedom is handed to you! Yes, it is handed to you. Once you get Past the Past.

You must be willing to get over the fear of being happy, put your faith and trust in strangers, seek change and re-write your thought patterns and old stories you tell yourself.

As a Life Coach, I can guide you through all of these challenges. We will develop customized action plans and take baby steps to take you from hurting paralysis to soaring happiness! I am the one to give you love you didn’t earn and love you for where you are, even if you aren’t loving yourself right now.

If you want to get Past the Past and get help from someone who truly understands you and what you are going through, book your first session today! It’s only $35! Learn more at lesada.ca/coaching

Differing Journeys

Have you ever heard the saying “There’s more than one way to skin a cat?” It means that there’s more than one path to reach a destination.

When I was in my late teens, I wanted to go to school, get married, have a family. When I went off to college, I already had a boyfriend. He proposed to me in November of my first year. He was the only boyfriend I ever had. My parents hadn’t talked to me about dating or what it was like to live on my own or with a room mate. I just assumed that you were supposed to marry the person you were with. So I agreed to the proposal. I wanted a house and a family and thought that that was how it worked.

Looking back…

twenty years and a divorce later, I realize my thoughts were wrong. There is more than one way to skin a cat. I was working full time, I could have easily afforded the tiny apartment we had on my own. As for children, we all know a person can do that on their own too, although a family unit with a mom, dad and kid is what I wanted. But even so, I didn’t have a baby until six years after I got married. That was plenty of time for me to have built a little nest on my own before finding the right person for me. Sigh. If only I had known then what I know now…

I have a lot of young people come in to Lesada looking for direction. They are considering transitioning from male to female. Often they are confused about sexuality, emotions, dating and their place in society. Just because a man likes wearing silky nighties or painting his toenails doesn’t mean he has to suddenly become a woman.

Looking ahead…

My advice to those seeking answers is to explore. Experiment with different people. Find out what you like and what you don’t like. Build on what you learn and what you enjoy. In this day and age, you can do anything you want, as long as you aren’t hurting anyone else. Maybe you are a man who likes to wear eyeliner, or, maybe you really are a girl, or maybe a bit of both!

Your twenties, thirties, forties, fifties and beyond are all ages to explore new interests. If you think you might like something, try it. Even if it’s not what others are doing. Explorations lead to discoveries and it’s so exciting when you discover yourself!

Looking up…

Exploration, breaking new ground and cutting new paths on your journey can be scary and hard. If you need help and a guide along the way, consider Life Coaching. I, Leanne, am a certified Transformational Life Coach and would be happy to work with you as you explore your life’s path. It’s easy to get started, just visit www.lesada.ca/coaching to book your first call.

 

 

Urge to Purge

Lindsay recounted wistfully the details of a beautiful white pantsuit she used to own. It fit her perfectly and made her feel like a million bucks. But it was lost to a purge.

Ashley had an insanely gorgeous champagne coloured ball gown that had pearls around the bodice. It too, went out to the second hand shop in a wild purge that she regrets to this day.

What possessed these girls to discard their beautiful belongings, then regret it so much?

A Personal Story of Purging

Rachel, a 37 year-old closet crossdresser spent hours online shopping for specialty themed outfits. She wanted the hot mom look – tight leggings, an off-the-shoulder cropped sweat top, bangle bracelets and pink eye shadow. Then there was the ballgown phase – huge hair, tiaras, sparkling chandelier earrings and a sparkly fitted gown with miles of tulle and rhinestones. Oh, and we can’t forget the sexy, businesswoman wardrobe! It wouldn’t be complete without a tight pencil skirt, button down white shirt blouse and a pair of sexy glasses. So much stuff!!!

It was so fun checking the mailbox and having a parcel arrive almost daily!

Exciting Packages!!!

 

Until the credit card bill arrived one day in the mailbox amongst the packages.

Rachel was horrified to see how much she had spent on herself and the ‘silly’ purchases she had made. Most of the things she bought were cheaply made and didn’t even fit right. They had brought a thrill to her when she was opening up the packages, but also stressed her out that someone would find her beautiful things.

She decided “once and for all” that she was never going to shop online again. She decided she was stupid for buying all these girly things and she should just forget it all. Rachel believed she would never be passable. And she definitely would never get a girlfriend if they knew this side of her, she thought.

And in one big fit of self doubt and personal anger, she gathered every last shred of girlyness into a giant garbage bag and drove to the clothing donation bin.

The lid slammed with an echo of finality.

The Reasoning Behind The Purge

Many closet crossdressers, like Rachel, Lindsay and Ashley, are ashamed of their feminine side. They are constantly battling against how they feel inside and how they want people to perceive them as men. They feel that if anyone were to find out they enjoy wearing ballgowns or tiaras or short skirts, their world as they know it would be lost. In their male world they hold down very masculine jobs, such as construction workers and truck drivers, or high powered, high stress careers like lawyers or emergency responders. A lot of crossdressers are also business owners, husbands and fathers. They are ashamed to reveal their feminine longings to others.

Many crossdressers are ashamed of their feminine longings.

It is for this reason, that a purge of all feminine belongings occurs. And sometimes quite often.

The fear of getting caught with a closet full of women’s clothes, wigs, high heels, and other lady-like accessories instigates a mass purge, followed by massive regret.

How to Resist the Urge to Purge

If you are like one of the girls in this article, you are probably wondering how to feel good about your purchases, love your girly belongings and not fight who you truly are. Here are a few tips to overcome the urge to purge.

  • Limit your purchases. When you carefully select items to add to your collection, rather than buying everything in sight, you will feel more confident about your purchases and keep spending habits in check.
  • Don’t buy mix-matched articles. When making a purchase, choose items that will complement each other. If you buy a top, get a skirt to match. You won’t regret having a pile of clothes that look like they were picked out by a three year old girl playing dress up.
  • Store your items lovingly. If your belongings are packed with care, you may be less likely to garbage them.
  • If you are susceptible to purging, write a note to your future self, reminding you how much you love and need those items to be your true, happy self. Place the note with some photos on the top of your bag or on your closet door.
Remind yourself how happy you were when you were being your true self!
  • Tell a trusted friend. When you reveal your secret to just one person, it doesn’t seem as scary.
  • Rent a storage locker. If you are afraid a new girlfriend, wife or parent is going to come across your secret stash, store it somewhere more private, yet still accessible. (Lesada offers storage in London, Ontario for a very nominal fee!)
  • Purge in small quantities. We all make regrettable purchases from time to time, especially online. If you bought items that don’t fit or don’t suit you, get rid of those things. Make sure your next purchases are items that will match and work with your articles that make you feel great.
  • Speak with Leanne, Transformation Maven and Life Coach. If you are fighting the urge to purge because you are ashamed of who you truly are, you are not alone. Leanne specializes in coaching crossdressers to value their self worth and confidence. Book a Free 15 Minute Call or in-depth 60 Minute Life Clarity Call today!

Have you ever regretted a purge? Tell your story in the comments below.

 

 

 

 

Pride Without a Parade

Pride Parades are over-the-top, flamboyant, loud, exciting displays, but we should display pride in who we are everyday, not just during a Parade!

I was planning to attend a massive Pride Parade in Toronto. I bought a group bus ticket so I didn’t have to drive in a congested, unknown city when there were hundreds of thousands of people there. But, unfortunately, the bus, unbeknownst to me, had been cancelled due to low ticket sales. So, I didn’t get to go. But I was able to watch a portion of it on television. The announcers were interviewing many people, asking what Pride meant to them.

What Does PRIDE Mean?

Many people responded to the reporters that Pride meant inclusivity, acceptance, and being their true selves. Not many people mentioned that they associate Pride with sexual orientation, gender identity or fighting for rights, which was the intention of the Parade when it began years ago. 38 Years ago, in Toronto! Most people want to belong, live life the way they want to and express themselves in a way they feel comfortable.

As I was sitting in my car, all decked out in my rainbow wig and t-shirt, I got thinking. How can we carry the Spirit of Pride with us, wherever and whenever we are?

Show PRIDE by Supporting Others

The best way to share the accepting, inclusive spirit of Pride is to learn about others. Ask their name, what pronouns they prefer, and any other questions you want clarified. When you approach people with curiosity, rather than judgement, people are very willing to open up to you. It is through education and understanding that acceptance is born.

You can also show your openness and acceptance by displaying the Pride flag on your car or window, or by wearing an Ally button or bracelet. Even if you don’t identify under the LGBTQ umbrella, you can display your support and friendship in beautiful ways.

Display the Pride Ally symbol to show your support.

Show PRIDE by Educating Yourself

Learn all the identifying definitions and terms. There are so many! Remember there are a lot of “boxes” that people use to explain who they are. But not everyone fits into a “box”.  And “boxes” don’t always need a definition. It’s ok to accept people as they are without defining who they are. But if people want to identify with a certain term, please do your best to understand and be open with their definitions.

There are many other books, articles and videos that highlight individual stories of coming out, struggles and successes. You can show compassion for others by listening to them and sharing your own stories.

Show PRIDE by Accepting Others

Everyone is unique, it’s not a new concept. We are different from our neighbours, siblings, parents, friends, no two people are alike. We are most likely drawn to others who are similar and may be turned off others who are very different.

During the Pride Parade, you will see a lot of differences. You will see bare bums, buckets of glitter, promiscuity, colourful hair, extreme piercings and many other socially wild things. And even if you wouldn’t be caught dead gyrating in the street like some people at Pride, you can still agree to accept your differences in the way you have fun in this world. Also, at Pride, people get caught up in the loud, pulse, energy of the crowd and get carried away. It doesn’t mean that the way people act during the parade are how they are everyday in their home. So be accepting of how people chose to come out, get out of their own confines, and live it up from time to time.

To read individual stories of how others see themselves, visit Lesada Community.

Show PRIDE by Being Yourself

The most beautiful way you can display your love, acceptance and spirit of Pride is to go confidently into the world and love yourself. Sometimes loving yourself is harder than loving others. If you can love yourself, with all your flaws and perfections, shortcomings and successes, you can most certainly feel pride in other’s qualities. Shining your light bright enough for others to follow can make a huge difference in this world. Self acceptance and pride in yourself is the greatest gift you can give! Recognizing yourself in others contributes to respect, love and understanding as well.

Be proud of who you are everyday! Share in the Spirit of Pride, even if you can’t make it to the Parade.

Share your thoughts below on how you show your Pride support.

Tap Into Your Women’s Intuition

Women’s Intuition is a powerful gut feeling you can experience when your body and mind are in alignment. Women are often more in tune with their bodies than men through their menstrual cycles, pregnancies and menopause. Therefore, this sensation is often referred to as “Women’s Intuition.” So, if you were raised as a boy, is it possible to experience “Women’s Intuition?” It sure is! Read on to discover how to tap into your Women’s Intuition.

A More In-Depth Look At Women’s Intuition

What is Intuition?

Intuition is that gut feeling, that knowing, that something is as it is, without being told or even without using any facts. Some examples of this are:

  • Getting a text message from your best friend that says ‘hey’. And inherently knowing that there’s a deep sigh attached to it or if they are in a good mood.
  • Feeling a prickle on the back of your neck when someone is watching you from behind.
  • Feeling ill at the thought of going to work because you just know that it’s going to be a stressful day.
  • Being able to tell a woman is pregnant before she even knows herself.
  • Feeling like you need to switch careers because you can foresee that times are changing.

Notice how all of these examples are more feelings than logical facts. Women’s Intuition is tapping in to your feelings and thoughts to form an opinion and make decisions.

How to Tap Into Your Women’s Intuition

To be able to tap into your Women’s Intuition, your mind and body must be in tune with each other. There are several ways you can achieve alignment. Choose one or two of these examples to begin with, whichever ones you think you will enjoy the most.

  • Journalling – Journalling before bed or before you begin your day helps to dump out your worries, your excitements, your to-do lists and anything else that might get in the way of listening to your body. You don’t have to use a fancy journal, (although I believe lovely pages create lovely thoughts.) or an expensive pen, just get your thoughts out of your head!
  • Yoga – If you’re rolling your eyes, wait a second! Yoga will help stretch out all the kinks in your body. Yoga encourages rhythmic breathing and forces you to get in touch with the movements your body is craving. If you’ve never done yoga before, or need to go at a slow pace in the comfort of your own home, check out Yoga for Self Respect with Adriene. She will definitely have you hooked on yoga and in tune with yourself in 20 minutes, even if you’ve hated it in the past.
  • Thought Provoking Meditations – Get tuned in, turned on and tapped in to your inner vibrations with meditations like Abraham Hicks. Listen before bed, while driving, or instead of checking emails and rushing around. Get a new perspective on your thoughts.
  • Follow the Signs from Universe – Women’s Intuition becomes easier when you start paying attention to signs from a source that is greater than you. If people are always suggesting you follow a certain path, stop resisting! Go where you are clearly being pushed and soon you will intuitively know the direction in which you should head.

Live in the Moment

Just for today, for the 12-15 hours that you give yourself between sleep, LIVE IN THE MOMENT.

Live like this is the only day you will ever have.

Do things that empower you.

Do things to make you smile.

Do things that make you fly.

Say things that empower others.

Make someone else smile.

Uplift another so they fly.

When you live in the moment, you will be in tune, intuitively, creating a life in alignment with a higher sense of self. This is Women’s Intuition, and it is such a powerful experience!

Have you ever experienced Women’s Intuition? Leave a comment about your experience below.

Confidence! Own It!

I was being interviewed for the book Finding Inclusivity by Paula Mould. As I was telling her my story, I kept saying “I’m shy.” When I was done my story, she said “I don’t think you’re shy. You should tell yourself a different story.” So after hanging up the phone, I turned to Google, curious, and asked “What is the opposite of shy?” You know what the reply was? “Confidence!”

So many times we tell ourselves a story as to what our identity is. Oftentimes this story can be damaging.

I’m fat.

I’m not smart enough.

I don’t have enough money.

I can’t.

What story do you tell yourself?

I was in an office the other day and saw this sign sitting on a woman’s desk.

I'm Pretty Sure I Have No Idea

I thought it was cute and funny but it didn’t give me much confidence in the woman’s professional ability. In fact, I wondered if I should be doing business with her at all! She obviously doesn’t have much confidence in herself.

Listen to the stories you tell yourself. What are you portraying to others? Are you exuding confidence or do you need to re-write your story?

Many people are ashamed of themselves. Many people who contact me don’t feel they are “Passable” or good enough to go out dressed in the real world. They end up staying at home, missing out on all the fun. But, after talking to me and deciding to spend a couple hours with me, learning how to apply cosmetics or how to shop for the right clothes or being fitted for a beautiful new wig, they suddenly start looking at themselves in a more positive light.

I assure you, if you have confidence, it really doesn’t matter how you look or what you wear. People will love you, include you, and want to be around you, as long as you have confidence in yourself.

A Fun Exercise in Confidence

Have you ever looked at yourself in the mirror and said “I love you”?

Try it.

Try it again.

And again and again until you believe it. At first you might think it’s stupid. then after awhile you might cry. Then, by the end, when you get it, you will be laughing!

Give it a try!

Adding Confidence to Your World

Really, the best way to improve your confidence is to hang around with other confident people.

  • Examine your friends, including Facebook friends. Are they positive people or do they suck you down?
  • Read inspirational books
  • Don’t indulge in gossip at work
  • Attend a class or seminar to boost your knowledge and self esteem as well as make new friends
  • Go to a convention to meet like-minded peers
  • Clear the clutter in your calendar or home that feeds into insecurities

Confidence Coaching

If you don’t know any positive people who can get you on track, or if you really need a boost and fast, consider Confidence Coaching. Leanne, Transformation Maven of Lesada is a skilled Confidence Coach. Her 12 week program is designed to boost your energy, heighten your self awareness and sky rocket your confidence in yourself! To find out if this program is for you, simply book your 60 Minute Life Clarity Call. You will walk away from the call with valuable insight as to what direction you should be headed and what your next steps should be to ensure you are Stepping Out In Confidence!

What could you achieve if only you owned a different story? Comment your dreams below!

 

 

 

 

Combat Dress-Down Let Down

How to Combat Dress-Down Let Down

 

Last month I wrote about the awesome experience of getting dressed up, going out and not getting “caught”. If you missed that story, you can read it here.

But, coming home and having to return to reality really sucks! Here are some tips from readers like you on how to combat Dress Down Let Down.

Honour Yourself

* Don’t just stuff your things into a bag or the back of the closet. Take 1/4 of the time you spend dressing, to pack everything away neatly again.

* Set a definite date for your next feminine experience while you are still dressed.

* Keep something in your wallet that symbolizes your feminine side, as a reminder for you to honour yourself.

Remind Yourself

* Leave one little thing on, such as a ring, toe nail polish, panties, etc that will keep the feeling alive for you.

* Take pictures while you are dressed so that you can look at them anytime.

* If you were out with a friend, ask them to call/text/email you a little emoji or photo so you can keep the memories alive. Or, you can schedule a text or email to yourself as well. (try the lipstick, high heel, shopping bags or dress emojis)

Love Yourself

* It’s not shameful to be yourself, so be grateful you had the opportunity to be yourself for awhile and don’t focus on the dressing down part.

* Proudly display or use things that are considered more feminine (women’s magazines, a change purse, flowery shampoo, pink razor, etc)

* Appreciate and honour the women in your life and be grateful they have shown you a love of femininity.

 

If you follow these simple tips, you will keep that special feeling alive and your true self will spill over into your everyday! Don’t Let Dress Down Let Down get you down anymore!